At the end of every year, I like to take time to reflect on the experiences, lessons, and opportunities that arose during the course of the last 365 days. My thoughts on 2008:
* God always takes care of me. I could never even remotely understand why God takes such good care of me, in spite of my transgressions and mess ups. But I am grateful that He does. This year He has certainly had His hand over my life, and I pray that He will continue to take care of me, even though I usually do everything possible to not take care of myself. God is good and He answers prayer.
* No matter how badly you might want to make something work, sometimes things just aren’t meant to be. It usually starts with a quiet whisper, warning you to proceed with caution, and ends up a giant slap in the face that reveals what you’ve known, deep down, all along. All the “want to” in the world can’t make something right when it’s wrong.
* I’ve got to do a better job of listening to that quiet whisper. Intuition is powerful, and I need to trust myself more than I have in the past.
* I need to take better care of my body. It’s the only one I’ve got, and it’s beginning to rebel against my obsessions with Little Caesar’s Hot N Ready pizzas in visually obvious ways. I want to try to cook more this year, too. Hopefully it will save me some money and some extra lbs.
* Life is crazy, but it is, at its heart, good. One of the last lines of “Desiderata” by Max Ehrman sums it up: “With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.” I’m going to try to see the good in the everyday. I’m going to try to see the good in people.
And finally, 2008 wouldn’t be complete without one last quote...
“Ring out the old, ring in the new. Ring, happy bells, across the snow. The year is going, let him go. Ring out the false, ring in the new.” Alfred Tennyson
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Absolutely Useless.
The following link will take you to a list of 500 completely useless facts. Well, I guess you could use them as conversations starters. I dedicate this list to my Dad, the keeper of all useless knowledge.
http://www.djtech.net/humor/useless_facts.htm
http://www.djtech.net/humor/useless_facts.htm
Monday, December 22, 2008
Chrrrrrrrrrrristmas!
I heart Christmas. I can't believe that it will be here in a mere three days. Time has truly flown.
Here's to wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season, and all possible prosperity in the New Year!
Here's to wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season, and all possible prosperity in the New Year!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Sad.
I just read a post on the Arkansas Times blog (can be found here: http://www.arktimes.com/blogs/arkansasblog/2008/12/child_welfare_crisis.aspx) about a recently published report from the Arkansas Advocates for Children's and Families detailing the tragic circumstances that many our state's children have been subjected to.
It's accounts like these that make me very sad that Proposed Initiative Act No. 1, which would allow homosexual couples and cohabitating couples to foster children, passed in our state.
I am a Christian and a follower of Jesus Christ. I believe the Bible. And I also believe that a vote against Proposed Initiative Act No. 1 isn't a vote that condones homosexuality. I don't think that a vote against the Act is a vote "for" homosexuality. It is a vote for children. I think that homosexual and cohabitating couples are just as capable as loving and caring for a child as married couples. Just because a couple is married doesn't mean that they can provide a stable and safe home for a child.
These are my opinions, my beliefs, and you don't have to share them. I just felt the need to express my viewpoint on this issue because I feel that the children in the care of the state of Arkansas deserve that.
It's accounts like these that make me very sad that Proposed Initiative Act No. 1, which would allow homosexual couples and cohabitating couples to foster children, passed in our state.
I am a Christian and a follower of Jesus Christ. I believe the Bible. And I also believe that a vote against Proposed Initiative Act No. 1 isn't a vote that condones homosexuality. I don't think that a vote against the Act is a vote "for" homosexuality. It is a vote for children. I think that homosexual and cohabitating couples are just as capable as loving and caring for a child as married couples. Just because a couple is married doesn't mean that they can provide a stable and safe home for a child.
These are my opinions, my beliefs, and you don't have to share them. I just felt the need to express my viewpoint on this issue because I feel that the children in the care of the state of Arkansas deserve that.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Vulnerable
"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable."
Dr. Joyce Brothers
Dr. Joyce Brothers
Yes, I am addicted to quotes. Especially good ones.
Being vulnerable is scary. It's hard to "put yourself out there" and to open yourself up to possible heartache, ridicule, or other negative side effects of being vulnerable. It becomes even more difficult when you've been burned in the past.
But I do think it's worth it.
Needed This
"Remove those 'I want you to like me' stickers from your forehead and, instead, place them where they truly will do the most good - on your mirror!"
Susan Jeffers
Susan Jeffers
Definitely needed to read that quote.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Ms. Bettie Mae Page
"I was not trying to be shocking, or to be a pioneer. I wasn't trying to change society, or to be ahead of my time. I didn't think of myself as liberated, and I don't believe that I did anything important. I was just myself. I didn't know any other way to be, or any other way to live."
Rest in peace Ms. Page.
Rest in peace Ms. Page.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I Love Mae West.
A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up. Mae West
A man's kiss is his signature. Mae West
A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love. Mae West
An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises. Mae West
Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided. Mae West
I believe that it's better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked. Mae West
I like a man who's good, but not too good - for the good die young, and I hate a dead one. Mae West
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing. Mae West
Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art. Mae West
Sex is emotion in motion. Mae West
The score never interested me, only the game. Mae West
When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better. Mae West
When women go wrong, men go right after them. Mae West
A man's kiss is his signature. Mae West
A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love. Mae West
An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises. Mae West
Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided. Mae West
I believe that it's better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked. Mae West
I like a man who's good, but not too good - for the good die young, and I hate a dead one. Mae West
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing. Mae West
Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art. Mae West
Sex is emotion in motion. Mae West
The score never interested me, only the game. Mae West
When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better. Mae West
When women go wrong, men go right after them. Mae West
Monday, November 24, 2008
Thankful
When I think back on all of the things that have happened in my life this year, I am overwhelmed. I got a new job (that I love), bought a house (that I love), found the courage to end a one-sided relationship, made new friends, met new people, read new books. I learned a lot this year. A lot.
And for that, I am eternally thankful. I certainly haven't earned, nor do I deserve, all of the wonderful things in my life. But that's what makes God's grace so amazing, He bestows it upon us because He loves us that much.
So with the Thanksgiving holiday rapidly approaching, I want to take the time to be truly and utterly thankful, and to realize that none of the good things in my life would be possible without God's amazing grace and love.
And for that, I am eternally thankful. I certainly haven't earned, nor do I deserve, all of the wonderful things in my life. But that's what makes God's grace so amazing, He bestows it upon us because He loves us that much.
So with the Thanksgiving holiday rapidly approaching, I want to take the time to be truly and utterly thankful, and to realize that none of the good things in my life would be possible without God's amazing grace and love.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
My Latest Sync Article
Here's the link to my article that is in this week's edition of Sync Weekly...
http://sync.arkansasonline.com/news/2008/nov/20/delicate-balance/?
http://sync.arkansasonline.com/news/2008/nov/20/delicate-balance/?
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Is The Golden Rule Gone?
Is it really that hard to treat people the way you want to be treated? I don't think so.
I just don't understand why people can't see that it's just as easy to treat someone with kindness and respect as it is to be hateful toward them or ignore them altogether. I feel much better about myself if I exhibit kindness and warmth and attention and caring to another person than if I am mean or short with them. So if being nice makes you feel good, why don't more people try it?
One of the most basic human needs is the need for acceptance. That's all people really want, to feel important, special, liked, and accepted. And all it takes to fulfill that need is treating people with basic human decency and respect. Treating people like you want to be treated. What's so difficult about this?
I just don't understand why people can't see that it's just as easy to treat someone with kindness and respect as it is to be hateful toward them or ignore them altogether. I feel much better about myself if I exhibit kindness and warmth and attention and caring to another person than if I am mean or short with them. So if being nice makes you feel good, why don't more people try it?
One of the most basic human needs is the need for acceptance. That's all people really want, to feel important, special, liked, and accepted. And all it takes to fulfill that need is treating people with basic human decency and respect. Treating people like you want to be treated. What's so difficult about this?
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Wisdom from Jennifer Aniston
I read this quote, part of Jennifer Aniston's interview in this month's Vogue, and wanted to share it...
"It's my experience. And if you don't like the way it looks, then stop looking at it! Because I feel good. I don't feel like I'm supposed to be any further along or somewhere that I'm not. I'm right where I'm supposed to be."
She was responding to all the tabloid crap about her being unlucky in love, etc., and she spoke about the fact that just because her life doesn't fit into some traditional framework doesn't mean she is unfulfilled. Bottom line: As long as you are at peace with where you are, in your heart and in your relationship with your Higher Power, that's all that matters. Screw the "traditional framework."
"It's my experience. And if you don't like the way it looks, then stop looking at it! Because I feel good. I don't feel like I'm supposed to be any further along or somewhere that I'm not. I'm right where I'm supposed to be."
She was responding to all the tabloid crap about her being unlucky in love, etc., and she spoke about the fact that just because her life doesn't fit into some traditional framework doesn't mean she is unfulfilled. Bottom line: As long as you are at peace with where you are, in your heart and in your relationship with your Higher Power, that's all that matters. Screw the "traditional framework."
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Lessons From Mayer
I have a cat named Mayer. She is an absolute diva. When I'm not giving her enough attention, a sharp pain in my ankles, caused by her biting them, is a signal that she needs some love. Ankle scratches aside, I love that little fluff ball.
I feed Mayer every morning after I've gotten all dried off from taking a shower. It never fails...as soon as my feet hit the floor after waking up, Mayer runs to the door of the small closet in my bathroom where I keep her cat food. Although I stick to my routine of feeding her after my shower, she still continues to run to that door first thing in the morning. She is so needy.
Once I open the closet door, after moving her so I can actually open it, she runs at warp speed to her food bowl. I walk over and start to pour out the food into her bowl. But day after day, Mayer keeps her little fuzzy head inside the bowl so that she gets to that food as soon as possible. But this makes it difficult for me to pour her enough food. So by being too eager to get what she wants, she's actually prohibiting me from giving her a full bowl of food.
I think sometimes I'm like Mayer. I'm so anxious and eager for God's blessings that I get in the way of His outpouring in my life. I guess if I would trust Him more to bless me in His perfect way and perfect time, instead of getting in the way, the blessings might be richer. I think I'll give that a try. Although I don't hold out much hope for Mayer, my stubborn little fuzzball.
I feed Mayer every morning after I've gotten all dried off from taking a shower. It never fails...as soon as my feet hit the floor after waking up, Mayer runs to the door of the small closet in my bathroom where I keep her cat food. Although I stick to my routine of feeding her after my shower, she still continues to run to that door first thing in the morning. She is so needy.
Once I open the closet door, after moving her so I can actually open it, she runs at warp speed to her food bowl. I walk over and start to pour out the food into her bowl. But day after day, Mayer keeps her little fuzzy head inside the bowl so that she gets to that food as soon as possible. But this makes it difficult for me to pour her enough food. So by being too eager to get what she wants, she's actually prohibiting me from giving her a full bowl of food.
I think sometimes I'm like Mayer. I'm so anxious and eager for God's blessings that I get in the way of His outpouring in my life. I guess if I would trust Him more to bless me in His perfect way and perfect time, instead of getting in the way, the blessings might be richer. I think I'll give that a try. Although I don't hold out much hope for Mayer, my stubborn little fuzzball.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Girls are easy.
Get your mind out of the gutter...not that kind of easy (although we all know a few that fall into that category don't we...).
Guys often say that women are too complicated. Certainly, the female species is highly complex. We tend to overanalyze, overthink, and become overly emotional on occasion. But I think that's just how God created us to be. The fairer sex.
But in terms of relationships, all girls really want is to feel special. That's it. It's that simple. All we want is to know that the guy that we like likes us back. We want to know that he thinks we're pretty. All of these things can be accomplished at no cost, simply with words and affection. Could it be any more simple?!
I wish more guys understood this. That all we want is to feel cherished. And pretty. We're really not all that complicated.
Guys often say that women are too complicated. Certainly, the female species is highly complex. We tend to overanalyze, overthink, and become overly emotional on occasion. But I think that's just how God created us to be. The fairer sex.
But in terms of relationships, all girls really want is to feel special. That's it. It's that simple. All we want is to know that the guy that we like likes us back. We want to know that he thinks we're pretty. All of these things can be accomplished at no cost, simply with words and affection. Could it be any more simple?!
I wish more guys understood this. That all we want is to feel cherished. And pretty. We're really not all that complicated.
Friday, October 24, 2008
More Words.
Today on another one of my favorite blogs, non-society, Julia Allison (who I adore) is preparing to write an article for Cosmopolitan magazine about "wife fluffers," and asked readers to share their thoughts. Below is a portion of a response a reader submitted that I find fascinating, and true...
"A wife fluffer is someone who really connects with the guy they were dating. They have such a strong connection, and she is so beautiful, smart and full of sass that the guy (to his surprise) really starts thinking about settling down and having a family. He must have this fantastic woman to himself forever. When things don’t work out, and he realizes he blew the best thing that ever happened to him, that desire to settle stays with the guy and he gets scared he will be a bachelor his whole life if he doesn’t take action. He meets the next serious girl and they get engaged and married in a shorter time than the wife fluffer and him had their first fight. He marries….and then she sees him and his wife in a couple of years and they aren’t that happy….and she feels bad for them….but happy it isn’t her."
Wow.
"A wife fluffer is someone who really connects with the guy they were dating. They have such a strong connection, and she is so beautiful, smart and full of sass that the guy (to his surprise) really starts thinking about settling down and having a family. He must have this fantastic woman to himself forever. When things don’t work out, and he realizes he blew the best thing that ever happened to him, that desire to settle stays with the guy and he gets scared he will be a bachelor his whole life if he doesn’t take action. He meets the next serious girl and they get engaged and married in a shorter time than the wife fluffer and him had their first fight. He marries….and then she sees him and his wife in a couple of years and they aren’t that happy….and she feels bad for them….but happy it isn’t her."
Wow.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Words.
I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Love Eloise, today. I absolutely loved Eloise's explanation of love, and of the infamous passage found in 1 Corinthians chapter 13...
"Sure, love is patient. Love is kind. So am I on a good day. But here’s the reality (and I’m not being cynical): At the end of the day love is a choice. It’s not some magic power that heals all things. It’s a choice we make. Once the lust and euphoria has worn off in the relationship, love becomes a choice. Either we continue to work at it, or we don’t. It’s when we stop working at it and stop believing in it that love fails. That’s true in marriage, in relationships, and it’s true in life. There should be a clause to the end of that Bible passage: Love never fails…as long as you don’t give up on it."
I couldn't agree more.
"Sure, love is patient. Love is kind. So am I on a good day. But here’s the reality (and I’m not being cynical): At the end of the day love is a choice. It’s not some magic power that heals all things. It’s a choice we make. Once the lust and euphoria has worn off in the relationship, love becomes a choice. Either we continue to work at it, or we don’t. It’s when we stop working at it and stop believing in it that love fails. That’s true in marriage, in relationships, and it’s true in life. There should be a clause to the end of that Bible passage: Love never fails…as long as you don’t give up on it."
I couldn't agree more.
Monday, October 6, 2008
What I Want, What I Need
I think one of the milestones of maturity is when we can realize the difference between what we want and what we need, and not just recognize the difference, but act accordingly.
Oftentimes our Hearts will want something, or someone, but our Minds know that it, or they, aren't what we really need.
I am a hopeless romantic, a dreamer. I follow my Heart to a fault. I'm often guilty of ignoring the evidence, no matter how obvious, and hoping/wishing/praying that the situation I'm in is the exception to the rule. It's not.
It is a delicate balance between what our Heart wants and what our Mind knows. If we don't follow our Heart, we are in some ways ignoring our feelings and emotions, which can lead to a stark and bleek future void of joy and expectance. If we don't follow our Mind, we ignore the cognitive evidence that can protect us from heartache down the road.
I'm guilty of ignoring what I know in my Mind to follow what I want in my Heart. I simply cannot function in that capacity any longer. I think the place where our Hearts and our Minds meet is a God-given combination of both knowledge and feeling: Intuition. From now on, I will no longer ignore that still small voice, that gut feeling. It's there for a reason.
Oftentimes our Hearts will want something, or someone, but our Minds know that it, or they, aren't what we really need.
I am a hopeless romantic, a dreamer. I follow my Heart to a fault. I'm often guilty of ignoring the evidence, no matter how obvious, and hoping/wishing/praying that the situation I'm in is the exception to the rule. It's not.
It is a delicate balance between what our Heart wants and what our Mind knows. If we don't follow our Heart, we are in some ways ignoring our feelings and emotions, which can lead to a stark and bleek future void of joy and expectance. If we don't follow our Mind, we ignore the cognitive evidence that can protect us from heartache down the road.
I'm guilty of ignoring what I know in my Mind to follow what I want in my Heart. I simply cannot function in that capacity any longer. I think the place where our Hearts and our Minds meet is a God-given combination of both knowledge and feeling: Intuition. From now on, I will no longer ignore that still small voice, that gut feeling. It's there for a reason.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The Crystals
When I was in the process of buying my house, there was one element that I knew I would have to take care of immediately. The crystals.
Outside of my house, lining the sidewalk that leads to my front porch and surrounding circular flower beds, are white/opalescent quartz crystals. I hated them. I thought they were tacky. But unfortunately, they were also embedded in concrete, so to remove them would take a lot of work, and most likely a little money. So I've just dealt with them, and they've actually kind of grown on me.
Last night I was mowing my yard when a guy at the house next door to mine peeked over the fence and got my attention. I reluctantly turned off the mower (I was afraid it wouldn't start again after it had been turned off) so I could hear him. He told me that his fiance's grandparents lived in my house their entire lives. That explains some of the hideous "old person" decor choices.
He said that they put a lot of work into the house, including putting up the privacy fence that surrounds it, and of course, installing the crystals. He explained that his fiance's grandfather went to Bauxite every weekend and dug up the crystals by hand to be able to put them in their yard, as a gift to his wife. He hand-dug those suckers, poured the concrete, and placed them side by side. All for his wife.
In light of that, I am so very glad that I didn't get rid of those crystals. My uncle's crazy girlfriend came by to see my house a few months back, and she absolutely loved the crystals and swore that they would bring me good karmic energy. I find it ironic that my ex was dead-set on getting rid of the crystals, he hated them, and tried to knock them from the concrete with a rock bar. I think the crystals actually got rid of him.
Maybe, just maybe, they'll bring me the good fortune of finding a man who would hand dig ugly quartz crystal just to make me happy.
Outside of my house, lining the sidewalk that leads to my front porch and surrounding circular flower beds, are white/opalescent quartz crystals. I hated them. I thought they were tacky. But unfortunately, they were also embedded in concrete, so to remove them would take a lot of work, and most likely a little money. So I've just dealt with them, and they've actually kind of grown on me.
Last night I was mowing my yard when a guy at the house next door to mine peeked over the fence and got my attention. I reluctantly turned off the mower (I was afraid it wouldn't start again after it had been turned off) so I could hear him. He told me that his fiance's grandparents lived in my house their entire lives. That explains some of the hideous "old person" decor choices.
He said that they put a lot of work into the house, including putting up the privacy fence that surrounds it, and of course, installing the crystals. He explained that his fiance's grandfather went to Bauxite every weekend and dug up the crystals by hand to be able to put them in their yard, as a gift to his wife. He hand-dug those suckers, poured the concrete, and placed them side by side. All for his wife.
In light of that, I am so very glad that I didn't get rid of those crystals. My uncle's crazy girlfriend came by to see my house a few months back, and she absolutely loved the crystals and swore that they would bring me good karmic energy. I find it ironic that my ex was dead-set on getting rid of the crystals, he hated them, and tried to knock them from the concrete with a rock bar. I think the crystals actually got rid of him.
Maybe, just maybe, they'll bring me the good fortune of finding a man who would hand dig ugly quartz crystal just to make me happy.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Affirmation
One of the greatest things God has done in my life recently is provide me with situations and instances that affirm that I've made the right choices.
I'm very guilty of rehashing decisions and second-guessing whether or not I made the right choice. Recently God has made it paintstakingly obvious that I made the right decision, in one instance in particular. It makes me feel good to know that, and it makes me feel good to know that God cares enough about me and my heart to lay those things out for me to see and to know.
I'm very guilty of rehashing decisions and second-guessing whether or not I made the right choice. Recently God has made it paintstakingly obvious that I made the right decision, in one instance in particular. It makes me feel good to know that, and it makes me feel good to know that God cares enough about me and my heart to lay those things out for me to see and to know.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Things I Don't Understand
1. Parking decks. How do they work? How come no one goes the wrong way and collides with an oncoming vehicle? Baffling.
2. The male species. They say that they're easy to understand, that they're simple. Riiiiiiiiight. Saying one thing and acting in a way that doesn't reflect what you said...that ain't simple folks.
3. Gas prices. No explanation (on my part) necessary.
4. Human beings. When you really stop and think about it, it's completely mind-boggling that we come into the world not knowing any words, and we learn an infinite amount of words over the years. We all grew from babies into what we are now. Our bodies are biological and anatomical, yet within our bodies lies the capability to feel emotion. It's just crazy (and miraculous) to think about.
5. Numbers. I suck at numbers. I just can't wrap my mind around them enough to do anything productive with them.
This post is to be continued...
2. The male species. They say that they're easy to understand, that they're simple. Riiiiiiiiight. Saying one thing and acting in a way that doesn't reflect what you said...that ain't simple folks.
3. Gas prices. No explanation (on my part) necessary.
4. Human beings. When you really stop and think about it, it's completely mind-boggling that we come into the world not knowing any words, and we learn an infinite amount of words over the years. We all grew from babies into what we are now. Our bodies are biological and anatomical, yet within our bodies lies the capability to feel emotion. It's just crazy (and miraculous) to think about.
5. Numbers. I suck at numbers. I just can't wrap my mind around them enough to do anything productive with them.
This post is to be continued...
Monday, September 8, 2008
Update
I was reading through some old posts and saw the need for a good update, so here it is.
About 2 months ago I got a job working as Marketing Specialist for a local bank. So far, I absolutely love it! It has been so much fun, and I've been consistently challenged, which is important to me. I also (finally!) have my own office with a view, and it has been the best thing since sliced bread. I truly hope to stay with the bank for a good long while, and I can finally say that I truthfully love my job. It's a good feeling for sure.
The interior of my house is pretty much complete! We've painted my kitchen cabinets and they look really good. It definitely feels like my home now. Sometimes I look around and just think "I really love this place." Now it's time to move to the exterior...lots of little projects to tackle.
I've been spending a lot of time with friends lately, which has been wonderful. I've been able to meet some new folks, too, and have really enjoyed that. I'm almost finished with the latest book I've been reading, "How to be Single." No, it's not an actual "how-to" book, it's a fiction book about an author who travels the world to discover how single women around the world live. It's been a really fun read.
So that's about it. For now.
About 2 months ago I got a job working as Marketing Specialist for a local bank. So far, I absolutely love it! It has been so much fun, and I've been consistently challenged, which is important to me. I also (finally!) have my own office with a view, and it has been the best thing since sliced bread. I truly hope to stay with the bank for a good long while, and I can finally say that I truthfully love my job. It's a good feeling for sure.
The interior of my house is pretty much complete! We've painted my kitchen cabinets and they look really good. It definitely feels like my home now. Sometimes I look around and just think "I really love this place." Now it's time to move to the exterior...lots of little projects to tackle.
I've been spending a lot of time with friends lately, which has been wonderful. I've been able to meet some new folks, too, and have really enjoyed that. I'm almost finished with the latest book I've been reading, "How to be Single." No, it's not an actual "how-to" book, it's a fiction book about an author who travels the world to discover how single women around the world live. It's been a really fun read.
So that's about it. For now.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
My Great Granny
This is what I wrote to be read by my Mom at my Great Granny's funeral. I wanted to share it so that you could maybe understand what an amazing woman she was.
"In my eyes, my Great Granny was everything a woman should be. She was steadfast and committed to her beliefs. She was a faithful and loyal wife. She was a loving and guiding mother, Grandmother, and Great-Grandmother.
But, to me, one of the greatest legacies Great Granny left behind lies in my Dad. My Dad certainly wouldn’t be the man he is today without Great Granny’s guidance, support, instruction, and love. It is because of her that I have my family, one of the greatest sources of strength and love in my life, and for that, I am eternally grateful to her.
I know that Great Granny is now in a place where she feels no pain and has absolutely no limitations. She is with Great Granddad, the true love of her life, and I feel blessed to have both of them watching over me and my family. I can only hope that I become even half the woman she was, and leave behind a legacy comparable to hers. That would no doubt mean that I lived a great life, just as Great Granny did."
"In my eyes, my Great Granny was everything a woman should be. She was steadfast and committed to her beliefs. She was a faithful and loyal wife. She was a loving and guiding mother, Grandmother, and Great-Grandmother.
But, to me, one of the greatest legacies Great Granny left behind lies in my Dad. My Dad certainly wouldn’t be the man he is today without Great Granny’s guidance, support, instruction, and love. It is because of her that I have my family, one of the greatest sources of strength and love in my life, and for that, I am eternally grateful to her.
I know that Great Granny is now in a place where she feels no pain and has absolutely no limitations. She is with Great Granddad, the true love of her life, and I feel blessed to have both of them watching over me and my family. I can only hope that I become even half the woman she was, and leave behind a legacy comparable to hers. That would no doubt mean that I lived a great life, just as Great Granny did."
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Another Sync Article
It matters to me
Ginny Wiedower
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
“When he's not drunk he's only stuck on himself, and then he has the nerve to say he needs a decent girl.” Jackson Johnson, from the song “Posters”
Thank you, Jack Johnson, for writing a lyric that represents one of the great mysteries of life. Or at least my life.
A few Saturday nights ago I went out with some of my friends. I ran into an old acquaintance from high school and college and we talked for a few minutes. He asked what I was doing now, and I told him that I just bought a house and that I just got a new job. He responded, “Yeah man, I've been trying to hang out with girls that really have their sh*t together lately. That's awesome.” Good for you acquaintance.
Later in the evening I saw this same person, who only hours earlier professed his need to hang out with girls who have their act together, being dragged out of the bar by security for fighting in his drunken stooper. Even better, he was fighting the person he came to the bar with. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this guy does not have his sh*t together.
I fully understand and appreciate the fact that no one is perfect (myself very much included). I'm sorry, really I am, but I just can't wrap my mind around how people who clearly don't have their acts together can think that what they need is someone who does.
One of the issues with this scenario is that the person who thinks that all they need is a “good girl” or “good guy” in their life to solve all of their problems and inspire them to fly right is waiting on a person to be their catalyst to change. Or even worse, they are waiting on a person to come along and wave a magic wand and do the changing for them.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news (Okay, not really), but it just doesn't work that way folks. First of all, we (yes, we, myself included) cannot simply wait on some outside force to come along to make us want to change. The “want to” has to be deep within us, or else any “change” that takes place is merely surface level and makes no real difference in how we live our lives. And not one person on earth can change another person. [Note: I said no one “on earth.” I am a strong believer in the power of spirituality in a person's life.] No matter how badly you might want to, if the other person in the relationship doesn't want, doesn't desire to make a change for the better, they won't. They might act like they are changing, but it is just that, an act. Sure, almost everyone wants to be a better person, but not everyone is willing to do what it takes to become a better person.
The other party in this scenario is not without fault either. I've known several people who I classify as “rescuers,” who want to save the other person and believe that they have what it takes to inspire the other person to change for the better. They like to feel that they are helping someone else along their path to change. Although I definitely think that it is helpful to have someone in your corner when you are trying to get your life in order, I know from experience that you cannot rely on that person to make the change for you. It's up to the individual alone to decide, first, that they want to change, and second, that they will do whatever necessary to make positive changes in their life. And, let's be real here, wouldn't you rather be with someone who inspires you to be the best version of yourself?
I like to reference an analogy I heard in my youth group meeting about a hundred years ago. If someone is standing on a chair, it is much easier to pull the person on the chair off than it is for the person standing on the chair to pull the other person up. The ideal situation, at least in my humble opinion, is to have two people standing on the chair, together.
I sincerely hope that you, the reader, don't think that I am advocating totally writing anyone off who doesn't have it all together. If that were the case, I wouldn't even hang out with myself because Lord only knows, I don't have everything all figured out. But I have figured out that I've spent entirely too much time trying to make other people something that they're not, and something that they're just not quite ready to be. It's time that I quit seeking someone to rescue and to change, and start seeking someone who inspires me to be the best me possible. A true give-and-take for both parties that results in both individuals being the best version of themselves.
So if you ever catch yourself thinking, “I'll change when 'The One' comes along,” or “I'm waiting on someone to motivate me to change,” reflect on this wise saying that was inside the fortune cookie I ate the other day: “To be loved, be loveable.” What are you waiting for? Be the best version of yourself, for yourself.
Ginny Wiedower
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
“When he's not drunk he's only stuck on himself, and then he has the nerve to say he needs a decent girl.” Jackson Johnson, from the song “Posters”
Thank you, Jack Johnson, for writing a lyric that represents one of the great mysteries of life. Or at least my life.
A few Saturday nights ago I went out with some of my friends. I ran into an old acquaintance from high school and college and we talked for a few minutes. He asked what I was doing now, and I told him that I just bought a house and that I just got a new job. He responded, “Yeah man, I've been trying to hang out with girls that really have their sh*t together lately. That's awesome.” Good for you acquaintance.
Later in the evening I saw this same person, who only hours earlier professed his need to hang out with girls who have their act together, being dragged out of the bar by security for fighting in his drunken stooper. Even better, he was fighting the person he came to the bar with. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this guy does not have his sh*t together.
I fully understand and appreciate the fact that no one is perfect (myself very much included). I'm sorry, really I am, but I just can't wrap my mind around how people who clearly don't have their acts together can think that what they need is someone who does.
One of the issues with this scenario is that the person who thinks that all they need is a “good girl” or “good guy” in their life to solve all of their problems and inspire them to fly right is waiting on a person to be their catalyst to change. Or even worse, they are waiting on a person to come along and wave a magic wand and do the changing for them.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news (Okay, not really), but it just doesn't work that way folks. First of all, we (yes, we, myself included) cannot simply wait on some outside force to come along to make us want to change. The “want to” has to be deep within us, or else any “change” that takes place is merely surface level and makes no real difference in how we live our lives. And not one person on earth can change another person. [Note: I said no one “on earth.” I am a strong believer in the power of spirituality in a person's life.] No matter how badly you might want to, if the other person in the relationship doesn't want, doesn't desire to make a change for the better, they won't. They might act like they are changing, but it is just that, an act. Sure, almost everyone wants to be a better person, but not everyone is willing to do what it takes to become a better person.
The other party in this scenario is not without fault either. I've known several people who I classify as “rescuers,” who want to save the other person and believe that they have what it takes to inspire the other person to change for the better. They like to feel that they are helping someone else along their path to change. Although I definitely think that it is helpful to have someone in your corner when you are trying to get your life in order, I know from experience that you cannot rely on that person to make the change for you. It's up to the individual alone to decide, first, that they want to change, and second, that they will do whatever necessary to make positive changes in their life. And, let's be real here, wouldn't you rather be with someone who inspires you to be the best version of yourself?
I like to reference an analogy I heard in my youth group meeting about a hundred years ago. If someone is standing on a chair, it is much easier to pull the person on the chair off than it is for the person standing on the chair to pull the other person up. The ideal situation, at least in my humble opinion, is to have two people standing on the chair, together.
I sincerely hope that you, the reader, don't think that I am advocating totally writing anyone off who doesn't have it all together. If that were the case, I wouldn't even hang out with myself because Lord only knows, I don't have everything all figured out. But I have figured out that I've spent entirely too much time trying to make other people something that they're not, and something that they're just not quite ready to be. It's time that I quit seeking someone to rescue and to change, and start seeking someone who inspires me to be the best me possible. A true give-and-take for both parties that results in both individuals being the best version of themselves.
So if you ever catch yourself thinking, “I'll change when 'The One' comes along,” or “I'm waiting on someone to motivate me to change,” reflect on this wise saying that was inside the fortune cookie I ate the other day: “To be loved, be loveable.” What are you waiting for? Be the best version of yourself, for yourself.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Ch-Ch-Ch Changes...
A lot of things have changed in my life recently. New house, new job, new relationship status. I've noticed, that in the midst of these changes, some of the people around me have changed as well.
It's natural to change. If we stayed the same our entire lives and didn't let situations and/or shape us, we'd be pretty boring, one-dimensional folks.
So if change is a natural, essential part of life, why is so hard to accept when someone you're close to changes? I guess I selfishly want the people in my life to stay the same, to be the old familiar friends that I've grown accustomed to. But I've come to learn that sometimes that's just not possible, and sometimes the changes that take place aren't going to be changes for the better.
This reminds me of a lyric from a Marc Broussard (spelling?) song, called "Gavin's Song." It says...
"I wish you places that sit so still,
Where people never ever change,
And never ever will."
I guess I was trying to live in that "place" where people don't change. I'm starting to think that place just doesn't exist.
It's natural to change. If we stayed the same our entire lives and didn't let situations and/or shape us, we'd be pretty boring, one-dimensional folks.
So if change is a natural, essential part of life, why is so hard to accept when someone you're close to changes? I guess I selfishly want the people in my life to stay the same, to be the old familiar friends that I've grown accustomed to. But I've come to learn that sometimes that's just not possible, and sometimes the changes that take place aren't going to be changes for the better.
This reminds me of a lyric from a Marc Broussard (spelling?) song, called "Gavin's Song." It says...
"I wish you places that sit so still,
Where people never ever change,
And never ever will."
I guess I was trying to live in that "place" where people don't change. I'm starting to think that place just doesn't exist.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Uterus For Sale
I'm consindering selling my uterus on the black market; I don't want it anymore.
Not really, but a hysterectomy is sounding mighty fine. I think I could deal with not being able to have my own kids (childbirth freaks me out), and besides, I've always wanted to adopt. But I hear that having a hysterectomy forces you into early menopause, so that wouldn't be very much fun. I've witnessed the side effects of going through "the change" and I'm not all that jazzed to experience them myself.
My uterus is an eternal antogonist of my life. I only know its around when its causing me unwanted effects, such as excruciating pain and extreme mood swings. Otherwise, it just kind of sits there, much like an appendix.
I understand that after the whole Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit situation, God said that He would make childbirth more difficult for women from that point forward. I get it. What I don't understand is why we have to suffer outside of the actual time of childbirth. And it confuses me that God chose to "punish" Eve for eating the forbidden fruit, when Adam ate of it as well. Eve was just exercising her powers of female persuasion. And must I remind you that it was a male serpant who convinced Eve to take eat of the fruit?
Now I'm rambling. I guess I have no choice but to accept the lot that has been given to me. But I don't have to like it.
Not really, but a hysterectomy is sounding mighty fine. I think I could deal with not being able to have my own kids (childbirth freaks me out), and besides, I've always wanted to adopt. But I hear that having a hysterectomy forces you into early menopause, so that wouldn't be very much fun. I've witnessed the side effects of going through "the change" and I'm not all that jazzed to experience them myself.
My uterus is an eternal antogonist of my life. I only know its around when its causing me unwanted effects, such as excruciating pain and extreme mood swings. Otherwise, it just kind of sits there, much like an appendix.
I understand that after the whole Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit situation, God said that He would make childbirth more difficult for women from that point forward. I get it. What I don't understand is why we have to suffer outside of the actual time of childbirth. And it confuses me that God chose to "punish" Eve for eating the forbidden fruit, when Adam ate of it as well. Eve was just exercising her powers of female persuasion. And must I remind you that it was a male serpant who convinced Eve to take eat of the fruit?
Now I'm rambling. I guess I have no choice but to accept the lot that has been given to me. But I don't have to like it.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Sad News...
This morning my Uncle Dicky died from complications related to his battle with brain cancer. He was diagnosed last year and was given 6 months to live upon his diagnosis, but he hung on until recently when the cancer rapidly spread and his health took a turn for the worse.
Uncle Dicky was my Mom's brother and was an opthomologist (eye surgeon) for many years. He will be missed by many within the community, and of course by our family.
Please keep my family in your prayers, and be sure to let everyone you care about know that you love them.
Uncle Dicky was my Mom's brother and was an opthomologist (eye surgeon) for many years. He will be missed by many within the community, and of course by our family.
Please keep my family in your prayers, and be sure to let everyone you care about know that you love them.
Monday, July 7, 2008
It's Been a While...
Wow, so much has happened since I last found a spare minute to update this wonderful blog. I just started a new job that I am beyond thrilled about, and I've truly hit the ground running. I love to be insanely busy, that's how I get my best work done, and I have no doubt that my days will be very busy and very productive.
I've met several new people (of the male persuasion mostly...) lately. I've gone on a few dates, some great, some not so great, but I've definitely had fun along the way. I've decided that sure, a few dates here and there won't hurt, but that I need to learn to just be by myself. I'm apparantly not very good at it, so I need to force myself to learn to be single. Should be interesting.
The house is as cute as ever, I love it. I mowed my front AND back yard for the first time this weekend which made me feel oddly empowered. I wanted to let out a loud grunt after I completed the yardwork, so I did. I think I frightened the neighbors...
That's just a quick update of what's been going on. I'll try to do a better job of posting new blogs than I have the last few weeks, I promise.
I've met several new people (of the male persuasion mostly...) lately. I've gone on a few dates, some great, some not so great, but I've definitely had fun along the way. I've decided that sure, a few dates here and there won't hurt, but that I need to learn to just be by myself. I'm apparantly not very good at it, so I need to force myself to learn to be single. Should be interesting.
The house is as cute as ever, I love it. I mowed my front AND back yard for the first time this weekend which made me feel oddly empowered. I wanted to let out a loud grunt after I completed the yardwork, so I did. I think I frightened the neighbors...
That's just a quick update of what's been going on. I'll try to do a better job of posting new blogs than I have the last few weeks, I promise.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
My Sister
My sister Julie called me last night to let me know that she was reading my blog. She said that the blog is seriously lacking in one area...mentions of her. I told her I'd write more about her, so here it goes.
Julie is three years younger than me, but in a lot of ways, she has the wisdom and knowledge of someone who is three years older. She is often able to help me see things, and people, for what they really are and she often calms me down when I get myself wound up into a tizzy of emotion.
Julie is probably the closest thing to the perfect female specimen that God created. She's one of those people that excels at everything she does. She is extremely intelligent (in a "book smart" kind of way...not so much on the common sense front) and has the body of a Victoria's Secret model. Yes, she's one of "those" people.
She also happens to be one of the kindest and most compassionate people I know. She has a very tender heart, a servan't heart, and she keeps an open mind about things without making hasty judgements.
Julie got married last year. I was asked by a few people if I was mad/jealous/upset/surprised that Julie, my younger sister, got married before I did. I guess people were confused that my sister and I didn't follow some pre-ordained life order that mandated that the oldest gets married first. But Julie and I aren't big fans of the conventional. I always felt that Julie would get married before me, and lo and behold, that's the way it worked out. And I couldn't be happier for her and her husband, even thought its weird that she has a different last name now.
Julie's husband, my brother-in-law, is in the National Guard and is stationed in Iraq. He has been there for a few months now and will come home next year. Julie has been such an amazing portrait of strength and loyalty; she has handled the circumstances with wisdom far beyond her years. I am so proud of my brother-in-law, and I'm equally proud of my sister's strength and commitment to him.
But in light of all of these wonderful things about my sister, one of my favorite things about her is that she calls me just to say "hi." I think she has a sixth sense and can somehow feel when I've got the blues, and magically, she knows just when to call just to say "hi," much like she did last night.
Julie is three years younger than me, but in a lot of ways, she has the wisdom and knowledge of someone who is three years older. She is often able to help me see things, and people, for what they really are and she often calms me down when I get myself wound up into a tizzy of emotion.
Julie is probably the closest thing to the perfect female specimen that God created. She's one of those people that excels at everything she does. She is extremely intelligent (in a "book smart" kind of way...not so much on the common sense front) and has the body of a Victoria's Secret model. Yes, she's one of "those" people.
She also happens to be one of the kindest and most compassionate people I know. She has a very tender heart, a servan't heart, and she keeps an open mind about things without making hasty judgements.
Julie got married last year. I was asked by a few people if I was mad/jealous/upset/surprised that Julie, my younger sister, got married before I did. I guess people were confused that my sister and I didn't follow some pre-ordained life order that mandated that the oldest gets married first. But Julie and I aren't big fans of the conventional. I always felt that Julie would get married before me, and lo and behold, that's the way it worked out. And I couldn't be happier for her and her husband, even thought its weird that she has a different last name now.
Julie's husband, my brother-in-law, is in the National Guard and is stationed in Iraq. He has been there for a few months now and will come home next year. Julie has been such an amazing portrait of strength and loyalty; she has handled the circumstances with wisdom far beyond her years. I am so proud of my brother-in-law, and I'm equally proud of my sister's strength and commitment to him.
But in light of all of these wonderful things about my sister, one of my favorite things about her is that she calls me just to say "hi." I think she has a sixth sense and can somehow feel when I've got the blues, and magically, she knows just when to call just to say "hi," much like she did last night.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Ugh...
Whatever you do, do what you say you're going to do. Period. No excuses. If you're not planning on following through, then don't waste your breath by making empty promises. Mean what you say, and say what you mean.
Where Are These Guys?
I'm listening to the song "Stand by my Woman" by Lenny Kravitz. If you've never heard it, please give it a listen at your earliest convenience.
Where are the guys like the one in song, guys that resolve to stand by their woman? Any help here?
Where are the guys like the one in song, guys that resolve to stand by their woman? Any help here?
Do Opposites REALLY Attract?
My parents are complete opposites. My Dad is very reserved and soft-spoken. He is a logical and objective thinker who doesn't get overly emotional about, well, anything. Mom is a different story. She is emotional, creative, and intuitive. And she's loud.
My parents are a perfect example of opposites attracting. But I have to ask, just HOW opposite can two people be and still make it work?
I think that differences in demeanor and ways of approaching situations are great, and, I think, important to have in a complementary relationship. But what about spiritual opposites? Or priorities that are at two totally different ends of the spectrum? What about opposite definitions of success and opposite levels of ambition?
I guess I'm still trying to figure this one out. I'll let you know what I come up with.
My parents are a perfect example of opposites attracting. But I have to ask, just HOW opposite can two people be and still make it work?
I think that differences in demeanor and ways of approaching situations are great, and, I think, important to have in a complementary relationship. But what about spiritual opposites? Or priorities that are at two totally different ends of the spectrum? What about opposite definitions of success and opposite levels of ambition?
I guess I'm still trying to figure this one out. I'll let you know what I come up with.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Weekend
This weekend I went with my parents to visit my younger sister in Fayetteville. We didn't stay as long as we usually do, but this ended up being a good thing (I'll get to that in a minute). My sister's 21st birthday was last week and one of the gifts she received was the game Catchphrase. I am now addicted. We played non-stop, and Mom brought the game for the ride home and we played until my Dad had finally had enough of me and my Mom's antics.
I also got to see my brother-in-law who is in Iraq via Skype. It was so cool! My sister and her husband both have webcams so I was able to talk to and see my brother-in-law. It was great to get to see him. I'm so super proud of him.
On the way home my Dad got a call from my sister (who'd been called my cousin who just built a house right next to my parents) saying that my parents' house had flooded while we were out of town. Apparantly a really bad storm hit my hometown and since my parents live at the foot of a hill it was just too much rain in a short period of time for the drainage ditches to handle. When we got home there was a lot of mud on the floors and the power was out. I think the power is finally back on, but it's gonna take a while to get all the mud cleared out. Poor parents :(
Sunday morning I tried a new church. This was the first time I've ever gone to a church, other than my own, by myself. It was kind of weird. The sermon was phenomenal; since it was Father's Day the sermon was about being an "Understanding Man." The pastor used a scripture in 1 Peter as the basis of the sermon and it was very, very good. The worship was a little too slow and traditional for me, but apparantly the church has a contemporary service so I'm sure I'll check that out.
Then back to my house. It felt so good to be home. I missed my precious cat Mayer who ended up being extraordinarily hyper this weekend. I did some cleaning here and there.
Went to bed last night and slept without the TV on for the first time in a very long time. It's such a habit, and I know I need to break it. I was about to start snoozing when a good friend called. It was a welcome interruption, though. When I sleep without the TV, I just lay there and think about the most random and ridiculous things. This makes it somewhat difficult to fall asleep, but I'm working on it.
So, that was my weekend in a nutshell.
I also got to see my brother-in-law who is in Iraq via Skype. It was so cool! My sister and her husband both have webcams so I was able to talk to and see my brother-in-law. It was great to get to see him. I'm so super proud of him.
On the way home my Dad got a call from my sister (who'd been called my cousin who just built a house right next to my parents) saying that my parents' house had flooded while we were out of town. Apparantly a really bad storm hit my hometown and since my parents live at the foot of a hill it was just too much rain in a short period of time for the drainage ditches to handle. When we got home there was a lot of mud on the floors and the power was out. I think the power is finally back on, but it's gonna take a while to get all the mud cleared out. Poor parents :(
Sunday morning I tried a new church. This was the first time I've ever gone to a church, other than my own, by myself. It was kind of weird. The sermon was phenomenal; since it was Father's Day the sermon was about being an "Understanding Man." The pastor used a scripture in 1 Peter as the basis of the sermon and it was very, very good. The worship was a little too slow and traditional for me, but apparantly the church has a contemporary service so I'm sure I'll check that out.
Then back to my house. It felt so good to be home. I missed my precious cat Mayer who ended up being extraordinarily hyper this weekend. I did some cleaning here and there.
Went to bed last night and slept without the TV on for the first time in a very long time. It's such a habit, and I know I need to break it. I was about to start snoozing when a good friend called. It was a welcome interruption, though. When I sleep without the TV, I just lay there and think about the most random and ridiculous things. This makes it somewhat difficult to fall asleep, but I'm working on it.
So, that was my weekend in a nutshell.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Single AND Settled, Imagine That...
So my wonderful old-fashioned Grandma called me last week after she heard I broke it off with my now ex-boyfriend. She first suggested that we seek counseling. Seriously. I told her that counseling isn't an option, then she proceeded to ask in every conceivable way if this means that I am utterly and completely alone ("So you're alone?" "You don't have anyone?"). So I answer her and say that yes, I am alone at the moment and that's just fine with me. Then she made what she thought was a joke, but in my fragile and sensitive state, I wasn't laughing. She said "Well I guess you're just going to be an old spinster then aren't you?"
I know that she never meant that statement in a cruel or hurtful way, but it definitely wasn't what I needed to hear at the time. She ended up apologizing profusely and sending me housewarming money (thanks Grandma).
I was explaining this story to a lady that I work with, who I thought would just be mortified at what my Grandma said to me. But no, she said "I just think that she wants to see you settled." So being single automatically means you can't be settled? What?
Right now I feel the most settled that I have in a good while, and yes, I'm single. And I know too many married couples who are anything but settled. I know my Grandma is from a completely different time (she had been married, widowed, and remarried with 2 kids by the time she was the age I am now), but I think we need to lose the stigma that you have to be married to be "settled." It's craziness.
I know that she never meant that statement in a cruel or hurtful way, but it definitely wasn't what I needed to hear at the time. She ended up apologizing profusely and sending me housewarming money (thanks Grandma).
I was explaining this story to a lady that I work with, who I thought would just be mortified at what my Grandma said to me. But no, she said "I just think that she wants to see you settled." So being single automatically means you can't be settled? What?
Right now I feel the most settled that I have in a good while, and yes, I'm single. And I know too many married couples who are anything but settled. I know my Grandma is from a completely different time (she had been married, widowed, and remarried with 2 kids by the time she was the age I am now), but I think we need to lose the stigma that you have to be married to be "settled." It's craziness.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Divine Distractions
During the hard times in our lives, I think that God brings us divine distractions.
These divine distractions can take many forms: a person, a project, a pet, or even a perfect book to read. I think God understands that during the not-so-great times of our lives, sometimes we just need something or someone to distract us from the hurt, otherwise we might wallow in our sadness and gain 20 pounds from drowning our sorrows in Ben and Jerry's (or in my case, Little Caesar's Hot and Ready cheese pizza).
During this particular hard time in my life, God has supplied me with several divine distractions that enable me to focus my energy on something positive, rather than dwell on the past. For this, I am very grateful and very glad that I am a child of God. I think He knows us so much better than we even realize.
These divine distractions can take many forms: a person, a project, a pet, or even a perfect book to read. I think God understands that during the not-so-great times of our lives, sometimes we just need something or someone to distract us from the hurt, otherwise we might wallow in our sadness and gain 20 pounds from drowning our sorrows in Ben and Jerry's (or in my case, Little Caesar's Hot and Ready cheese pizza).
During this particular hard time in my life, God has supplied me with several divine distractions that enable me to focus my energy on something positive, rather than dwell on the past. For this, I am very grateful and very glad that I am a child of God. I think He knows us so much better than we even realize.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Mysterious Ways
God works in mysterious ways. That's one of the reasons I like Him so much.
Sometimes the thing you thought would never happen in a million years does, and it works out. It's unfathomable and unachievable by human hands, and is in every sense of the word, a "God thing."
Sometimes the thing you thought would never happen in a million years does, and it works out. It's unfathomable and unachievable by human hands, and is in every sense of the word, a "God thing."
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Bipolar Breakup
So it's now day two on the post-breakup timeline, and I think I'm losing my mind.
Last night I cried and cried and cried, and then couldn't sleep at all. This morning I woke up feeling as fresh as a daisy and filled with an encouraging sense of hope for things to come. And now...back to wanting to cry.
I don't know what the deal is, but this roller coaster of emotions is too much. I wish I could settle on one feeling and feel that for a while, but I guess that's just not in the cards. Damn these hormones.
Last night I cried and cried and cried, and then couldn't sleep at all. This morning I woke up feeling as fresh as a daisy and filled with an encouraging sense of hope for things to come. And now...back to wanting to cry.
I don't know what the deal is, but this roller coaster of emotions is too much. I wish I could settle on one feeling and feel that for a while, but I guess that's just not in the cards. Damn these hormones.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The Next Day
It's the day after the breakup, and I'm sad.
The fact that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that ending the relationship was the right thing to do doesn't make it hurt any less. In some ways, I wish it would've ended with lots of cussing and fighting so that I could be mad instead of sad, but alas, that's not the case. In some ways I am actually pretty pissed, but in most ways I'm just hurt.
When major life events like this take place, I (bedgrudingly) try to figure out what I need to learn from the situation as to not repeat mistakes and to continually learn from the things that happen in my life. And so now I begin.
I think the most pertinent learning I can take away from all this is that I need to follow my heart 100% of the time, and as quickly as possible. I'm guilty of pushing not-so-good signs and issues back in order to maintain the status quo, and to try to be happy in the now. That's not such a good idea. I would think "Is this really that bad? Am I overreacting? Do I really deserve better?," to the point that I would make myself believe that, yes, it really wasn't that bad, I was overreacting, and that, sadly, I didn't deserve better. I know now that I've got to listen to that still small voice and address the areas of my discomfort immediately and confidently. I'm just glad I finally listend to the voice inside and made what I know is the right decision now rather than five years from now.
I learned that no matter how much you want to, you can't change someone. And they can't change just to please you. They have to want to change because they know that it's the right thing to do. Until the other person decides to change for the right reasons, any "change" that takes place is surface deep and artificial. Which leads me to my next kernel of knowledge.
Words mean nothing. Words are empty. That is, unless action is put to the words. Mere words won't save you, and they won't change anything. "I'm sorry" and "I love you" are two things I will no longer accept unless they are acted out as verbs. Love especially is not a noun, a general description of a feeling, or at least it shoudln't be. It's a verb. An "action word" as my 3rd grade English teacher would say. So, until you're ready to act upon the words you want to say, save your breath and don't waste anyone else's time with actionless descriptions of what you think you feel.
Sometimes it really is just the wrong time, the wrong place. People aren't always on the same page or in the same place in life, and this can cause conflict and dissention. You can't try to make someone play catch-up and keep pace with where you are in your life. It just doesn't work that way. I need to be with someone who inspires me to keep pushing forward in all areas of life, emotional, mental, professional, personal, and spiritual. It's like this scenario: if you're standing on a chair, it's very hard to pull someone who is standing on the ground up to where you're standing on the chair. It's a lot easier for the person standing on the ground to pull you down. This doesn't make the other person inherently bad, it just means that they're in a different place.
I'm very good at moving too fast and making my significant other my top priority. I cannot, I repeat, cannot, do this anymore. I'm such a freakin' sucker for love, for fairy tales. I've got to maintain my own identify, my own self, apart from my significant other. Love, by my definition, is all about putting the other person's needs, wants, and desires above your own. To me it's about total selflessness. I think I tend to take this too far and I end up settling for 3rd or 4th place on the other person's priority list, while they are inequivacly number one on mine. I think I need to walk the beautiful balance and make myself happy, too.
Wow, this is a really long post. I could probably go on (and I might continue to add additional learnings as they come to me), but it's time to think about something else for now. Right now I'm just trying to make it through "The Next Day," and the next, and the next, and the next...
The fact that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that ending the relationship was the right thing to do doesn't make it hurt any less. In some ways, I wish it would've ended with lots of cussing and fighting so that I could be mad instead of sad, but alas, that's not the case. In some ways I am actually pretty pissed, but in most ways I'm just hurt.
When major life events like this take place, I (bedgrudingly) try to figure out what I need to learn from the situation as to not repeat mistakes and to continually learn from the things that happen in my life. And so now I begin.
I think the most pertinent learning I can take away from all this is that I need to follow my heart 100% of the time, and as quickly as possible. I'm guilty of pushing not-so-good signs and issues back in order to maintain the status quo, and to try to be happy in the now. That's not such a good idea. I would think "Is this really that bad? Am I overreacting? Do I really deserve better?," to the point that I would make myself believe that, yes, it really wasn't that bad, I was overreacting, and that, sadly, I didn't deserve better. I know now that I've got to listen to that still small voice and address the areas of my discomfort immediately and confidently. I'm just glad I finally listend to the voice inside and made what I know is the right decision now rather than five years from now.
I learned that no matter how much you want to, you can't change someone. And they can't change just to please you. They have to want to change because they know that it's the right thing to do. Until the other person decides to change for the right reasons, any "change" that takes place is surface deep and artificial. Which leads me to my next kernel of knowledge.
Words mean nothing. Words are empty. That is, unless action is put to the words. Mere words won't save you, and they won't change anything. "I'm sorry" and "I love you" are two things I will no longer accept unless they are acted out as verbs. Love especially is not a noun, a general description of a feeling, or at least it shoudln't be. It's a verb. An "action word" as my 3rd grade English teacher would say. So, until you're ready to act upon the words you want to say, save your breath and don't waste anyone else's time with actionless descriptions of what you think you feel.
Sometimes it really is just the wrong time, the wrong place. People aren't always on the same page or in the same place in life, and this can cause conflict and dissention. You can't try to make someone play catch-up and keep pace with where you are in your life. It just doesn't work that way. I need to be with someone who inspires me to keep pushing forward in all areas of life, emotional, mental, professional, personal, and spiritual. It's like this scenario: if you're standing on a chair, it's very hard to pull someone who is standing on the ground up to where you're standing on the chair. It's a lot easier for the person standing on the ground to pull you down. This doesn't make the other person inherently bad, it just means that they're in a different place.
I'm very good at moving too fast and making my significant other my top priority. I cannot, I repeat, cannot, do this anymore. I'm such a freakin' sucker for love, for fairy tales. I've got to maintain my own identify, my own self, apart from my significant other. Love, by my definition, is all about putting the other person's needs, wants, and desires above your own. To me it's about total selflessness. I think I tend to take this too far and I end up settling for 3rd or 4th place on the other person's priority list, while they are inequivacly number one on mine. I think I need to walk the beautiful balance and make myself happy, too.
Wow, this is a really long post. I could probably go on (and I might continue to add additional learnings as they come to me), but it's time to think about something else for now. Right now I'm just trying to make it through "The Next Day," and the next, and the next, and the next...
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Can Ambition Ever Be a Bad Thing?
I was born a highly ambitious person. It is inherent within me.
Most people see being very ambitious as a positive and welcomed attribute, and for the most part, I fall within that category of people. But the times that I'm at work, home, in my car, at church, in the bathroom, etc. that I nearly drive myself crazy thinking about what I should be doing or what my next step towards success should be, I have to ask the question: Can ambition ever be a bad thing?
Having the ambition to achieve your own personal definition of success is great, but I think sometimes I let my drive to do and be "more" (More what? I'm not quite sure.) overtake my thoughts and I become entrenched in figuring out what it is that I should be doing that I'm not, that one holy step that will lead me to ultimate success. This can be a very tiring, and dare I say it, at some times miserable existence.
Don't get me wrong, I think ambition is a necessary and important attribute to possess, but I think like all good things, it should be taken in moderation. Constantly thinking about what our next step should be can lead us to live so far in the future that we don't recognize what he have at this time, in this moment, in the here and now.
So, my conclusion is this: Ambition is a vital and inherent ingredient in random mix of attributes, but I need to learn to apply ambition (much like a self-tanner) in moderation and with care as to not miss the blessings that already exist in my life. I think I need equal parts contentment and ambition to make my life delicious.
Most people see being very ambitious as a positive and welcomed attribute, and for the most part, I fall within that category of people. But the times that I'm at work, home, in my car, at church, in the bathroom, etc. that I nearly drive myself crazy thinking about what I should be doing or what my next step towards success should be, I have to ask the question: Can ambition ever be a bad thing?
Having the ambition to achieve your own personal definition of success is great, but I think sometimes I let my drive to do and be "more" (More what? I'm not quite sure.) overtake my thoughts and I become entrenched in figuring out what it is that I should be doing that I'm not, that one holy step that will lead me to ultimate success. This can be a very tiring, and dare I say it, at some times miserable existence.
Don't get me wrong, I think ambition is a necessary and important attribute to possess, but I think like all good things, it should be taken in moderation. Constantly thinking about what our next step should be can lead us to live so far in the future that we don't recognize what he have at this time, in this moment, in the here and now.
So, my conclusion is this: Ambition is a vital and inherent ingredient in random mix of attributes, but I need to learn to apply ambition (much like a self-tanner) in moderation and with care as to not miss the blessings that already exist in my life. I think I need equal parts contentment and ambition to make my life delicious.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Something I Wrote...
...about the whole house-buying experience. Enjoy.
I Bought a House, and So Can You
A couple of months ago I casually mentioned to my parents that I thought it might be cool if I bought a house. I thought that I should “strike while the iron is not-so-hot,” meaning the housing market as a whole is down, so that I might be able to snag a deal. To my surprise, Mom and Dad agreed.
So the Monday after my casual conversation with the parentals, I went on over to the bank to try to see what I could qualify for, or if I even qualified for a home loan at all. Lo and behold, I qualified for a home loan at an amount that I knew would allow me to get a decent starter home. And thus the search began.
Being a newbie to the whole house buying situation, I thought that I would have to pay a real estate agent to help me find my dream home, so in an effort to simulate frugality, I opted to go it alone. Big mistake.
I ended up driving all over God’s green earth, including several locations that made me call my parents and cry because I was so scared, and other locations that were so deep into the country I swore I heard the “Deliverance” theme song. So I inquired, and found that the seller of the house pays the real estate agent, not the buyer, so I got a recommendation from a family member and began working with a wonderful agent.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all daisies and rainbows from there. It seemed that every time I would schedule to see a house, it would either be taken off the market that same day, or an offer had already been accepted on the house. (Sidebar: Why do they keep the sign up in the yard and the listing up online if an offer has already been accepted? I think the sole purpose is just to annoy me.) I became so frustrated with the whole process that I wanted to throw in the towel and keep throwing my money away on rent just to avoid the inevitable letdown.
Until I found it, “The One.” I had seen this particular house online for quite a while, but never got around to stopping by. I finally scheduled a viewing with my agent, and as soon as I pulled up, I knew I’d found my new home. The house was built in 1948 (I love old homes), had a picket fence around the entire property, and had an awesome backyard perfect for barbecues. That night I made an offer on the house.
The next day, while I was visiting my parents in Conway, I got the call. My offer had been accepted! I didn’t really know how to feel…excited, scared, nervous, etc. Little did I know the confusion had only just begun.
From the point that my offer was accepted until the point that the keys to the house were in my hand, I experienced a complete roller coaster of emotions and experiences. It seemed as if something new came up everyday, something that could affect my purchase of the house. But all of the blood, sweat, and tears (many, many tears) were well worth it when I signed off on the final document and the keys were in my hand.
So, the moral of the story? If you want to buy a house, you can. You might have to make sacrifices in other areas of your life (I’m definitely going to have to cut down on my Starbucks runs and my trips to Barnes and Noble), but if owning a home is something that you value, it is well within your reach. If I (a single young female professional with a decent income) can do it, so can you.
I Bought a House, and So Can You
A couple of months ago I casually mentioned to my parents that I thought it might be cool if I bought a house. I thought that I should “strike while the iron is not-so-hot,” meaning the housing market as a whole is down, so that I might be able to snag a deal. To my surprise, Mom and Dad agreed.
So the Monday after my casual conversation with the parentals, I went on over to the bank to try to see what I could qualify for, or if I even qualified for a home loan at all. Lo and behold, I qualified for a home loan at an amount that I knew would allow me to get a decent starter home. And thus the search began.
Being a newbie to the whole house buying situation, I thought that I would have to pay a real estate agent to help me find my dream home, so in an effort to simulate frugality, I opted to go it alone. Big mistake.
I ended up driving all over God’s green earth, including several locations that made me call my parents and cry because I was so scared, and other locations that were so deep into the country I swore I heard the “Deliverance” theme song. So I inquired, and found that the seller of the house pays the real estate agent, not the buyer, so I got a recommendation from a family member and began working with a wonderful agent.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all daisies and rainbows from there. It seemed that every time I would schedule to see a house, it would either be taken off the market that same day, or an offer had already been accepted on the house. (Sidebar: Why do they keep the sign up in the yard and the listing up online if an offer has already been accepted? I think the sole purpose is just to annoy me.) I became so frustrated with the whole process that I wanted to throw in the towel and keep throwing my money away on rent just to avoid the inevitable letdown.
Until I found it, “The One.” I had seen this particular house online for quite a while, but never got around to stopping by. I finally scheduled a viewing with my agent, and as soon as I pulled up, I knew I’d found my new home. The house was built in 1948 (I love old homes), had a picket fence around the entire property, and had an awesome backyard perfect for barbecues. That night I made an offer on the house.
The next day, while I was visiting my parents in Conway, I got the call. My offer had been accepted! I didn’t really know how to feel…excited, scared, nervous, etc. Little did I know the confusion had only just begun.
From the point that my offer was accepted until the point that the keys to the house were in my hand, I experienced a complete roller coaster of emotions and experiences. It seemed as if something new came up everyday, something that could affect my purchase of the house. But all of the blood, sweat, and tears (many, many tears) were well worth it when I signed off on the final document and the keys were in my hand.
So, the moral of the story? If you want to buy a house, you can. You might have to make sacrifices in other areas of your life (I’m definitely going to have to cut down on my Starbucks runs and my trips to Barnes and Noble), but if owning a home is something that you value, it is well within your reach. If I (a single young female professional with a decent income) can do it, so can you.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Oh The Joys of Buying a House...
The blisters on the hands from painting, the sore feet from standing on a step-ladder barefoot...oh the joys of buying a house. These are what I call the non-monetary costs of purchasing a home, especially an old home like mine.
We've finished painting the dining room (a burnt orange), my bedroom (a very light, organic green), and the living room (a color called Katydid, a warm green color), so we're over halfway done. Thank goodness, I don't think my body could handle too much more of this.
We've finished painting the dining room (a burnt orange), my bedroom (a very light, organic green), and the living room (a color called Katydid, a warm green color), so we're over halfway done. Thank goodness, I don't think my body could handle too much more of this.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Soul Friends
So I volunteered to help secure speakers for this year's PRSA Southwest District Conference. I emailed "my" speakers back and forth for months, and I met both of them in person for the first time yesterday at a reception. And I met a "soul friend."
You know those times when you meet someone and the more and more you talk to them, you begin to realize that you and this person have a true, authentic soul connection. Not just an "oh yeah, he's sweet" casual acquaintance type of thing, but a thing when all things come together and you realize that this person that you just met will be a friend. I like to call these people "soul friends."
It is not an easy thing to be my friend...no, not because I'm difficult or hard to get along with (although we all have our days, don't we), but because I am extremely selective about who I call my friend. I take that term very seriously, and I don't bestow it upon just anyone. I say all this to say that for me, this "soul friend" phenomenon that I speak of is truly remarkable, and as the very definition of the word phenomenon suggests, very rare.
Now a "soul friend" should not be confused with a "soulmate." I'm one of those romantic saps that actually buys into the whole soulmate thing, so I feel the need to discern between the two terms. A soulmate, by my completely unscientific definition, is that ONE person that your soul and your heart and your mind fits. I'm not saying that this soulmate will "complete" you, but rather complement you and bring out your best self. I see a true soulmate as the love of your life, and the one person that you were destined to be with for all time. I know, you just threw up in your mouth a little bit, but I don't care. I'm allowed to be a hopeless romantic.
A "soul friend" on the other hand is a person with whom you share "soul qualities." These can be a sharing of core values, a sharing of emotional intelligence. Evidences of a soul friend include, but are not limited to: extreme ease of conversation, ability to reach inside the other person and bring out a smile from the inside, comfort and trust. These very rare and priceless gifts should be treated as just that, a gift from God.
So, to my newest "soul friend," I wish nothing more than the absolute best this world has for you. I trust that we will remain friends, and I trust that you will accomplish remarkable things. Although I think you might need to trim the beard before this takes place...I'm just sayin'.
You know those times when you meet someone and the more and more you talk to them, you begin to realize that you and this person have a true, authentic soul connection. Not just an "oh yeah, he's sweet" casual acquaintance type of thing, but a thing when all things come together and you realize that this person that you just met will be a friend. I like to call these people "soul friends."
It is not an easy thing to be my friend...no, not because I'm difficult or hard to get along with (although we all have our days, don't we), but because I am extremely selective about who I call my friend. I take that term very seriously, and I don't bestow it upon just anyone. I say all this to say that for me, this "soul friend" phenomenon that I speak of is truly remarkable, and as the very definition of the word phenomenon suggests, very rare.
Now a "soul friend" should not be confused with a "soulmate." I'm one of those romantic saps that actually buys into the whole soulmate thing, so I feel the need to discern between the two terms. A soulmate, by my completely unscientific definition, is that ONE person that your soul and your heart and your mind fits. I'm not saying that this soulmate will "complete" you, but rather complement you and bring out your best self. I see a true soulmate as the love of your life, and the one person that you were destined to be with for all time. I know, you just threw up in your mouth a little bit, but I don't care. I'm allowed to be a hopeless romantic.
A "soul friend" on the other hand is a person with whom you share "soul qualities." These can be a sharing of core values, a sharing of emotional intelligence. Evidences of a soul friend include, but are not limited to: extreme ease of conversation, ability to reach inside the other person and bring out a smile from the inside, comfort and trust. These very rare and priceless gifts should be treated as just that, a gift from God.
So, to my newest "soul friend," I wish nothing more than the absolute best this world has for you. I trust that we will remain friends, and I trust that you will accomplish remarkable things. Although I think you might need to trim the beard before this takes place...I'm just sayin'.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Update...
Please forgive me for taking such a long absence in between posts; I forgot my password and was locked out until, Eureka!, today I remembered the password and was able to access my account once again.
A lot has been going on in my crazy life, most notably, I'm buying a house! The whole house buying process has been a complete roller coaster, and has been borderline comical and vomit inducing all at the same time. Example: I found two houses that I really liked and I was scheduled to view both houses on the same day. Later that day I found out that one of the houses was already in the purchase process (Why is it still up on the real estate website then? Makes no sense to me.) and the other was being taken off of the market so that a friend of the seller could rent it.
I'd looked online at the house that I'm now buying for a while, but for some reason never got around to going in to look at it. Once I did, it was over...I knew that this was "The One."
Since my offer was accepted, the roller coaster ride of buying a home has continued, but hasn't been too terrible. Now I am in the process of awaiting for the seller to hire another electrician (the first that she hired wasn't able to get to the house for another 2 weeks) to update the electrical system. The seller really has been great about accepting my concessions and requests, which has been very nice and surprising.
So, that's what's going on in my life right now. I'm actually closing on the house on my birthday, which will be a great birthday present to myself. Wish me luck, and pray that I don't fall off of the "roller coaster!"
A lot has been going on in my crazy life, most notably, I'm buying a house! The whole house buying process has been a complete roller coaster, and has been borderline comical and vomit inducing all at the same time. Example: I found two houses that I really liked and I was scheduled to view both houses on the same day. Later that day I found out that one of the houses was already in the purchase process (Why is it still up on the real estate website then? Makes no sense to me.) and the other was being taken off of the market so that a friend of the seller could rent it.
I'd looked online at the house that I'm now buying for a while, but for some reason never got around to going in to look at it. Once I did, it was over...I knew that this was "The One."
Since my offer was accepted, the roller coaster ride of buying a home has continued, but hasn't been too terrible. Now I am in the process of awaiting for the seller to hire another electrician (the first that she hired wasn't able to get to the house for another 2 weeks) to update the electrical system. The seller really has been great about accepting my concessions and requests, which has been very nice and surprising.
So, that's what's going on in my life right now. I'm actually closing on the house on my birthday, which will be a great birthday present to myself. Wish me luck, and pray that I don't fall off of the "roller coaster!"
Thursday, January 31, 2008
A Better Normal
This is a past blog post that seems very relevant to a sitaution I'm facing. Sometimes I need reminding...
Just when you think you've got it all figured out, and you're going about your day to day life without a care in the world, God gets your attention. He certainly got mine.
I had gotten so wrapped up in the day to day, telling God what MY plans are, and not seeking His wisdom in any of it, that God knew that He had to get my attention. He did. Last week was awful. I know now that it was God's way of getting my attention, and apparantly, He had to take drastic measures to do so. Sometimes that's the only way.
All I wanted was to get back to "normal." But God has a different plan. He doesn't want me to get back to normal as I knew it, He wants to bring me to a "better normal," a normal that far surpasses anything I can imagine. God wants that for all of us I think. So I'm trusting Him in the meantime, until He has brought me to the better normal where He wants me to be.
Just when you think you've got it all figured out, and you're going about your day to day life without a care in the world, God gets your attention. He certainly got mine.
I had gotten so wrapped up in the day to day, telling God what MY plans are, and not seeking His wisdom in any of it, that God knew that He had to get my attention. He did. Last week was awful. I know now that it was God's way of getting my attention, and apparantly, He had to take drastic measures to do so. Sometimes that's the only way.
All I wanted was to get back to "normal." But God has a different plan. He doesn't want me to get back to normal as I knew it, He wants to bring me to a "better normal," a normal that far surpasses anything I can imagine. God wants that for all of us I think. So I'm trusting Him in the meantime, until He has brought me to the better normal where He wants me to be.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Shocking
I just read that actor Heath Ledger was found dead of a supsected drug overdose in a New York apartment today. I must say that I had to read several accounts of this tragedy to truly believe it. He was so young. Such a tragic event.
Whether this was intentional or accidental, I don't yet know. But anyone reading this, please know that nothing is ever so bad that you can't go on. There is always, ALWAYS, hope.
Whether this was intentional or accidental, I don't yet know. But anyone reading this, please know that nothing is ever so bad that you can't go on. There is always, ALWAYS, hope.
Monday, January 21, 2008
A quote I love...
My coworker and I share the same affliction...we both like/need affirmation. He shared with me the following quote that changed my life...
"Doing something good around here is like peeing yourself while wearing a black suit; You get a warm feeling, but no one notices."
Profound.
"Doing something good around here is like peeing yourself while wearing a black suit; You get a warm feeling, but no one notices."
Profound.
Some stuff I've written, Part One
This was something I wrote in response to a news report I heard while getting ready for work that reported a study finding that the suicide rate among young women is up. I emailed the editor of a local weekly paper to see if she would be interested in it, and it turns out that she was. It was published in the "It Matters To Me" section of Sync Weekly. Enjoy...
Published in Sync Weekly
URL: http://sync.arkansasonline.com/news/2007/oct/02/it-matters-me-girls-self-esteem/
It matters to Me: Girls’ self-esteem
Ginny Wiedower
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
I am by no means an expert on mental health issues. I am, however, a female who, when getting ready for work in the morning, was jolted with a stinging static as I listened to the morning news while putting on my pinstriped pants.
“A new report from the CDC reveals that [the] suicide rate among young girls is up.” Still in my early morning pre-caffeinated fog, I vaguely listened to a manager of a local mental health rehabilitation center list several reasons that young girls commit suicide, but what has plagued me since hearing that report was the primary reason that young girls are killing themselves: low self-esteem.
I was immediately taken back to the halls of my high school, halls I walked while donning a false confidence to hide what I really was, a scared little girl who just wanted to be liked.
Low self-esteem is something I used to know. Something I used to live. Looking back, I now understand that at the root of my awkward insecurities was a self-imposed constant comparison of myself with others, from the “so beautiful they can’t be real” girls at school to the of-the-minute celebrities on TV. I was trying to reach an arbitrary “standard” that I thought, once reached, would elevate me to a pedestal of popularity and perfection.
Thank goodness that’s over. My roommate and I joked just last night about how mean girls were when we were in high school, looking at me like I had committed some heinous crime, or worse, a heinous fashion faux pas because I sat at “their” lunch table. I ended the conversation with my roommate saying that I would never go back to high school for all the money in the world, but the more I think about it, it would be pretty great to go back knowing what I know now.
I think the comfort the majority of us, myself included, grow into comes with age and comes from a process of self-discovery. What broke my heart as I listened to the morning news and heard that young girls are killing themselves due to low self-esteem is the fact that those girls won’t have the chance to journey through the process of self-discovery that leads to a level of self-comfort that leads to true confidence that leads to freedom.
Young girls have it rough these days. These girls, who don’t yet understand the concept of Photoshop, who don’t understand that reality TV isn’t real, are inundated daily with images of scantily clad, perfectly sculpted, almost non-human actresses, models, and the like. What’s worse is that those images are portrayed as the “standard” for beauty.
Take Britney Spears’ quasi-comeback VMA performance for example. I watched her writhing on stage in her glittery lingerie and thought “Wow, I hope I look like that after I have two kids.” Who am I kidding? I would love to look like that now! But the next day the media was flooded with reports of how grotesque and disgusting Britney’s body looked. I was shocked.
Imagine being a 13-year-old girl hearing that Britney Spears, who looks to be well below the national average women’s clothing size of 11, is grotesque and has a body that jiggles like Jell-O. I imagine a fragile-minded young girl might think that if Britney Spears’ body isn’t good enough, mine is definitely way below par, thus initiating a cycle of self-doubt and insecurity, resulting in low self-esteem.
So what can be done about this? Can we change the mindset of millions of Americans? Can we apply mandates in Hollywood that ban [waifish] actresses and celebrities? Odds are slim to none. But I know what I can and will do. I will make a point to throw out a few more “you go girls” everyday. I will do my best to appreciate the truly beautiful human characteristics: intelligence, kindness, compassion, and warmth. Do I think that is where it should stop? Absolutely not. But like everything else in life, we have to start somewhere.
Published in Sync Weekly
URL: http://sync.arkansasonline.com/news/2007/oct/02/it-matters-me-girls-self-esteem/
It matters to Me: Girls’ self-esteem
Ginny Wiedower
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
I am by no means an expert on mental health issues. I am, however, a female who, when getting ready for work in the morning, was jolted with a stinging static as I listened to the morning news while putting on my pinstriped pants.
“A new report from the CDC reveals that [the] suicide rate among young girls is up.” Still in my early morning pre-caffeinated fog, I vaguely listened to a manager of a local mental health rehabilitation center list several reasons that young girls commit suicide, but what has plagued me since hearing that report was the primary reason that young girls are killing themselves: low self-esteem.
I was immediately taken back to the halls of my high school, halls I walked while donning a false confidence to hide what I really was, a scared little girl who just wanted to be liked.
Low self-esteem is something I used to know. Something I used to live. Looking back, I now understand that at the root of my awkward insecurities was a self-imposed constant comparison of myself with others, from the “so beautiful they can’t be real” girls at school to the of-the-minute celebrities on TV. I was trying to reach an arbitrary “standard” that I thought, once reached, would elevate me to a pedestal of popularity and perfection.
Thank goodness that’s over. My roommate and I joked just last night about how mean girls were when we were in high school, looking at me like I had committed some heinous crime, or worse, a heinous fashion faux pas because I sat at “their” lunch table. I ended the conversation with my roommate saying that I would never go back to high school for all the money in the world, but the more I think about it, it would be pretty great to go back knowing what I know now.
I think the comfort the majority of us, myself included, grow into comes with age and comes from a process of self-discovery. What broke my heart as I listened to the morning news and heard that young girls are killing themselves due to low self-esteem is the fact that those girls won’t have the chance to journey through the process of self-discovery that leads to a level of self-comfort that leads to true confidence that leads to freedom.
Young girls have it rough these days. These girls, who don’t yet understand the concept of Photoshop, who don’t understand that reality TV isn’t real, are inundated daily with images of scantily clad, perfectly sculpted, almost non-human actresses, models, and the like. What’s worse is that those images are portrayed as the “standard” for beauty.
Take Britney Spears’ quasi-comeback VMA performance for example. I watched her writhing on stage in her glittery lingerie and thought “Wow, I hope I look like that after I have two kids.” Who am I kidding? I would love to look like that now! But the next day the media was flooded with reports of how grotesque and disgusting Britney’s body looked. I was shocked.
Imagine being a 13-year-old girl hearing that Britney Spears, who looks to be well below the national average women’s clothing size of 11, is grotesque and has a body that jiggles like Jell-O. I imagine a fragile-minded young girl might think that if Britney Spears’ body isn’t good enough, mine is definitely way below par, thus initiating a cycle of self-doubt and insecurity, resulting in low self-esteem.
So what can be done about this? Can we change the mindset of millions of Americans? Can we apply mandates in Hollywood that ban [waifish] actresses and celebrities? Odds are slim to none. But I know what I can and will do. I will make a point to throw out a few more “you go girls” everyday. I will do my best to appreciate the truly beautiful human characteristics: intelligence, kindness, compassion, and warmth. Do I think that is where it should stop? Absolutely not. But like everything else in life, we have to start somewhere.
Here Goes Nothin'
Hello, I'm Ginny. I wanted to begin writing a blog for several reasons: I love to write, I like to share what I write, pure boredom, and finally, why the heck not.
I guess I'll begin with the proverbial "about me" section. Born and raised in the South, have a family that's as close to perfect and as far away from perfection as possible and for that I am blessed beyond measure, have a few really close and loyal friends and several acquaintances. I just got a new job working in Marketing for a high-tech company, and so far it's pretty cool. I am definitely being challenged to learn things I never even thought about to this point, so that has been exciting. Previously worked at an advertising, marketing, and PR agency. I was the PR department. I decided I needed something...else, so I moved on and now here I am.
If I had to describe myself/my life in one word, it would absolutely without a doubt be "blessed." God has brought so many unbelievable blessings into my life, none of which I deserve. That's the beauty of grace folks. I try, and often fail, to live in a way that reflects the blessings that have been poured out into my life. Definitely not perfect, no desire to be, but definitely making an effort, more so each day.
In summary, I am pretty much your average girl, loved by an anything but average God, and working toward fulfilling an amazing purpose. So, that's me.
I guess I'll begin with the proverbial "about me" section. Born and raised in the South, have a family that's as close to perfect and as far away from perfection as possible and for that I am blessed beyond measure, have a few really close and loyal friends and several acquaintances. I just got a new job working in Marketing for a high-tech company, and so far it's pretty cool. I am definitely being challenged to learn things I never even thought about to this point, so that has been exciting. Previously worked at an advertising, marketing, and PR agency. I was the PR department. I decided I needed something...else, so I moved on and now here I am.
If I had to describe myself/my life in one word, it would absolutely without a doubt be "blessed." God has brought so many unbelievable blessings into my life, none of which I deserve. That's the beauty of grace folks. I try, and often fail, to live in a way that reflects the blessings that have been poured out into my life. Definitely not perfect, no desire to be, but definitely making an effort, more so each day.
In summary, I am pretty much your average girl, loved by an anything but average God, and working toward fulfilling an amazing purpose. So, that's me.
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