My sister Julie called me last night to let me know that she was reading my blog. She said that the blog is seriously lacking in one area...mentions of her. I told her I'd write more about her, so here it goes.
Julie is three years younger than me, but in a lot of ways, she has the wisdom and knowledge of someone who is three years older. She is often able to help me see things, and people, for what they really are and she often calms me down when I get myself wound up into a tizzy of emotion.
Julie is probably the closest thing to the perfect female specimen that God created. She's one of those people that excels at everything she does. She is extremely intelligent (in a "book smart" kind of way...not so much on the common sense front) and has the body of a Victoria's Secret model. Yes, she's one of "those" people.
She also happens to be one of the kindest and most compassionate people I know. She has a very tender heart, a servan't heart, and she keeps an open mind about things without making hasty judgements.
Julie got married last year. I was asked by a few people if I was mad/jealous/upset/surprised that Julie, my younger sister, got married before I did. I guess people were confused that my sister and I didn't follow some pre-ordained life order that mandated that the oldest gets married first. But Julie and I aren't big fans of the conventional. I always felt that Julie would get married before me, and lo and behold, that's the way it worked out. And I couldn't be happier for her and her husband, even thought its weird that she has a different last name now.
Julie's husband, my brother-in-law, is in the National Guard and is stationed in Iraq. He has been there for a few months now and will come home next year. Julie has been such an amazing portrait of strength and loyalty; she has handled the circumstances with wisdom far beyond her years. I am so proud of my brother-in-law, and I'm equally proud of my sister's strength and commitment to him.
But in light of all of these wonderful things about my sister, one of my favorite things about her is that she calls me just to say "hi." I think she has a sixth sense and can somehow feel when I've got the blues, and magically, she knows just when to call just to say "hi," much like she did last night.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Ugh...
Whatever you do, do what you say you're going to do. Period. No excuses. If you're not planning on following through, then don't waste your breath by making empty promises. Mean what you say, and say what you mean.
Where Are These Guys?
I'm listening to the song "Stand by my Woman" by Lenny Kravitz. If you've never heard it, please give it a listen at your earliest convenience.
Where are the guys like the one in song, guys that resolve to stand by their woman? Any help here?
Where are the guys like the one in song, guys that resolve to stand by their woman? Any help here?
Do Opposites REALLY Attract?
My parents are complete opposites. My Dad is very reserved and soft-spoken. He is a logical and objective thinker who doesn't get overly emotional about, well, anything. Mom is a different story. She is emotional, creative, and intuitive. And she's loud.
My parents are a perfect example of opposites attracting. But I have to ask, just HOW opposite can two people be and still make it work?
I think that differences in demeanor and ways of approaching situations are great, and, I think, important to have in a complementary relationship. But what about spiritual opposites? Or priorities that are at two totally different ends of the spectrum? What about opposite definitions of success and opposite levels of ambition?
I guess I'm still trying to figure this one out. I'll let you know what I come up with.
My parents are a perfect example of opposites attracting. But I have to ask, just HOW opposite can two people be and still make it work?
I think that differences in demeanor and ways of approaching situations are great, and, I think, important to have in a complementary relationship. But what about spiritual opposites? Or priorities that are at two totally different ends of the spectrum? What about opposite definitions of success and opposite levels of ambition?
I guess I'm still trying to figure this one out. I'll let you know what I come up with.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Weekend
This weekend I went with my parents to visit my younger sister in Fayetteville. We didn't stay as long as we usually do, but this ended up being a good thing (I'll get to that in a minute). My sister's 21st birthday was last week and one of the gifts she received was the game Catchphrase. I am now addicted. We played non-stop, and Mom brought the game for the ride home and we played until my Dad had finally had enough of me and my Mom's antics.
I also got to see my brother-in-law who is in Iraq via Skype. It was so cool! My sister and her husband both have webcams so I was able to talk to and see my brother-in-law. It was great to get to see him. I'm so super proud of him.
On the way home my Dad got a call from my sister (who'd been called my cousin who just built a house right next to my parents) saying that my parents' house had flooded while we were out of town. Apparantly a really bad storm hit my hometown and since my parents live at the foot of a hill it was just too much rain in a short period of time for the drainage ditches to handle. When we got home there was a lot of mud on the floors and the power was out. I think the power is finally back on, but it's gonna take a while to get all the mud cleared out. Poor parents :(
Sunday morning I tried a new church. This was the first time I've ever gone to a church, other than my own, by myself. It was kind of weird. The sermon was phenomenal; since it was Father's Day the sermon was about being an "Understanding Man." The pastor used a scripture in 1 Peter as the basis of the sermon and it was very, very good. The worship was a little too slow and traditional for me, but apparantly the church has a contemporary service so I'm sure I'll check that out.
Then back to my house. It felt so good to be home. I missed my precious cat Mayer who ended up being extraordinarily hyper this weekend. I did some cleaning here and there.
Went to bed last night and slept without the TV on for the first time in a very long time. It's such a habit, and I know I need to break it. I was about to start snoozing when a good friend called. It was a welcome interruption, though. When I sleep without the TV, I just lay there and think about the most random and ridiculous things. This makes it somewhat difficult to fall asleep, but I'm working on it.
So, that was my weekend in a nutshell.
I also got to see my brother-in-law who is in Iraq via Skype. It was so cool! My sister and her husband both have webcams so I was able to talk to and see my brother-in-law. It was great to get to see him. I'm so super proud of him.
On the way home my Dad got a call from my sister (who'd been called my cousin who just built a house right next to my parents) saying that my parents' house had flooded while we were out of town. Apparantly a really bad storm hit my hometown and since my parents live at the foot of a hill it was just too much rain in a short period of time for the drainage ditches to handle. When we got home there was a lot of mud on the floors and the power was out. I think the power is finally back on, but it's gonna take a while to get all the mud cleared out. Poor parents :(
Sunday morning I tried a new church. This was the first time I've ever gone to a church, other than my own, by myself. It was kind of weird. The sermon was phenomenal; since it was Father's Day the sermon was about being an "Understanding Man." The pastor used a scripture in 1 Peter as the basis of the sermon and it was very, very good. The worship was a little too slow and traditional for me, but apparantly the church has a contemporary service so I'm sure I'll check that out.
Then back to my house. It felt so good to be home. I missed my precious cat Mayer who ended up being extraordinarily hyper this weekend. I did some cleaning here and there.
Went to bed last night and slept without the TV on for the first time in a very long time. It's such a habit, and I know I need to break it. I was about to start snoozing when a good friend called. It was a welcome interruption, though. When I sleep without the TV, I just lay there and think about the most random and ridiculous things. This makes it somewhat difficult to fall asleep, but I'm working on it.
So, that was my weekend in a nutshell.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Single AND Settled, Imagine That...
So my wonderful old-fashioned Grandma called me last week after she heard I broke it off with my now ex-boyfriend. She first suggested that we seek counseling. Seriously. I told her that counseling isn't an option, then she proceeded to ask in every conceivable way if this means that I am utterly and completely alone ("So you're alone?" "You don't have anyone?"). So I answer her and say that yes, I am alone at the moment and that's just fine with me. Then she made what she thought was a joke, but in my fragile and sensitive state, I wasn't laughing. She said "Well I guess you're just going to be an old spinster then aren't you?"
I know that she never meant that statement in a cruel or hurtful way, but it definitely wasn't what I needed to hear at the time. She ended up apologizing profusely and sending me housewarming money (thanks Grandma).
I was explaining this story to a lady that I work with, who I thought would just be mortified at what my Grandma said to me. But no, she said "I just think that she wants to see you settled." So being single automatically means you can't be settled? What?
Right now I feel the most settled that I have in a good while, and yes, I'm single. And I know too many married couples who are anything but settled. I know my Grandma is from a completely different time (she had been married, widowed, and remarried with 2 kids by the time she was the age I am now), but I think we need to lose the stigma that you have to be married to be "settled." It's craziness.
I know that she never meant that statement in a cruel or hurtful way, but it definitely wasn't what I needed to hear at the time. She ended up apologizing profusely and sending me housewarming money (thanks Grandma).
I was explaining this story to a lady that I work with, who I thought would just be mortified at what my Grandma said to me. But no, she said "I just think that she wants to see you settled." So being single automatically means you can't be settled? What?
Right now I feel the most settled that I have in a good while, and yes, I'm single. And I know too many married couples who are anything but settled. I know my Grandma is from a completely different time (she had been married, widowed, and remarried with 2 kids by the time she was the age I am now), but I think we need to lose the stigma that you have to be married to be "settled." It's craziness.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Divine Distractions
During the hard times in our lives, I think that God brings us divine distractions.
These divine distractions can take many forms: a person, a project, a pet, or even a perfect book to read. I think God understands that during the not-so-great times of our lives, sometimes we just need something or someone to distract us from the hurt, otherwise we might wallow in our sadness and gain 20 pounds from drowning our sorrows in Ben and Jerry's (or in my case, Little Caesar's Hot and Ready cheese pizza).
During this particular hard time in my life, God has supplied me with several divine distractions that enable me to focus my energy on something positive, rather than dwell on the past. For this, I am very grateful and very glad that I am a child of God. I think He knows us so much better than we even realize.
These divine distractions can take many forms: a person, a project, a pet, or even a perfect book to read. I think God understands that during the not-so-great times of our lives, sometimes we just need something or someone to distract us from the hurt, otherwise we might wallow in our sadness and gain 20 pounds from drowning our sorrows in Ben and Jerry's (or in my case, Little Caesar's Hot and Ready cheese pizza).
During this particular hard time in my life, God has supplied me with several divine distractions that enable me to focus my energy on something positive, rather than dwell on the past. For this, I am very grateful and very glad that I am a child of God. I think He knows us so much better than we even realize.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Mysterious Ways
God works in mysterious ways. That's one of the reasons I like Him so much.
Sometimes the thing you thought would never happen in a million years does, and it works out. It's unfathomable and unachievable by human hands, and is in every sense of the word, a "God thing."
Sometimes the thing you thought would never happen in a million years does, and it works out. It's unfathomable and unachievable by human hands, and is in every sense of the word, a "God thing."
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Bipolar Breakup
So it's now day two on the post-breakup timeline, and I think I'm losing my mind.
Last night I cried and cried and cried, and then couldn't sleep at all. This morning I woke up feeling as fresh as a daisy and filled with an encouraging sense of hope for things to come. And now...back to wanting to cry.
I don't know what the deal is, but this roller coaster of emotions is too much. I wish I could settle on one feeling and feel that for a while, but I guess that's just not in the cards. Damn these hormones.
Last night I cried and cried and cried, and then couldn't sleep at all. This morning I woke up feeling as fresh as a daisy and filled with an encouraging sense of hope for things to come. And now...back to wanting to cry.
I don't know what the deal is, but this roller coaster of emotions is too much. I wish I could settle on one feeling and feel that for a while, but I guess that's just not in the cards. Damn these hormones.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The Next Day
It's the day after the breakup, and I'm sad.
The fact that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that ending the relationship was the right thing to do doesn't make it hurt any less. In some ways, I wish it would've ended with lots of cussing and fighting so that I could be mad instead of sad, but alas, that's not the case. In some ways I am actually pretty pissed, but in most ways I'm just hurt.
When major life events like this take place, I (bedgrudingly) try to figure out what I need to learn from the situation as to not repeat mistakes and to continually learn from the things that happen in my life. And so now I begin.
I think the most pertinent learning I can take away from all this is that I need to follow my heart 100% of the time, and as quickly as possible. I'm guilty of pushing not-so-good signs and issues back in order to maintain the status quo, and to try to be happy in the now. That's not such a good idea. I would think "Is this really that bad? Am I overreacting? Do I really deserve better?," to the point that I would make myself believe that, yes, it really wasn't that bad, I was overreacting, and that, sadly, I didn't deserve better. I know now that I've got to listen to that still small voice and address the areas of my discomfort immediately and confidently. I'm just glad I finally listend to the voice inside and made what I know is the right decision now rather than five years from now.
I learned that no matter how much you want to, you can't change someone. And they can't change just to please you. They have to want to change because they know that it's the right thing to do. Until the other person decides to change for the right reasons, any "change" that takes place is surface deep and artificial. Which leads me to my next kernel of knowledge.
Words mean nothing. Words are empty. That is, unless action is put to the words. Mere words won't save you, and they won't change anything. "I'm sorry" and "I love you" are two things I will no longer accept unless they are acted out as verbs. Love especially is not a noun, a general description of a feeling, or at least it shoudln't be. It's a verb. An "action word" as my 3rd grade English teacher would say. So, until you're ready to act upon the words you want to say, save your breath and don't waste anyone else's time with actionless descriptions of what you think you feel.
Sometimes it really is just the wrong time, the wrong place. People aren't always on the same page or in the same place in life, and this can cause conflict and dissention. You can't try to make someone play catch-up and keep pace with where you are in your life. It just doesn't work that way. I need to be with someone who inspires me to keep pushing forward in all areas of life, emotional, mental, professional, personal, and spiritual. It's like this scenario: if you're standing on a chair, it's very hard to pull someone who is standing on the ground up to where you're standing on the chair. It's a lot easier for the person standing on the ground to pull you down. This doesn't make the other person inherently bad, it just means that they're in a different place.
I'm very good at moving too fast and making my significant other my top priority. I cannot, I repeat, cannot, do this anymore. I'm such a freakin' sucker for love, for fairy tales. I've got to maintain my own identify, my own self, apart from my significant other. Love, by my definition, is all about putting the other person's needs, wants, and desires above your own. To me it's about total selflessness. I think I tend to take this too far and I end up settling for 3rd or 4th place on the other person's priority list, while they are inequivacly number one on mine. I think I need to walk the beautiful balance and make myself happy, too.
Wow, this is a really long post. I could probably go on (and I might continue to add additional learnings as they come to me), but it's time to think about something else for now. Right now I'm just trying to make it through "The Next Day," and the next, and the next, and the next...
The fact that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that ending the relationship was the right thing to do doesn't make it hurt any less. In some ways, I wish it would've ended with lots of cussing and fighting so that I could be mad instead of sad, but alas, that's not the case. In some ways I am actually pretty pissed, but in most ways I'm just hurt.
When major life events like this take place, I (bedgrudingly) try to figure out what I need to learn from the situation as to not repeat mistakes and to continually learn from the things that happen in my life. And so now I begin.
I think the most pertinent learning I can take away from all this is that I need to follow my heart 100% of the time, and as quickly as possible. I'm guilty of pushing not-so-good signs and issues back in order to maintain the status quo, and to try to be happy in the now. That's not such a good idea. I would think "Is this really that bad? Am I overreacting? Do I really deserve better?," to the point that I would make myself believe that, yes, it really wasn't that bad, I was overreacting, and that, sadly, I didn't deserve better. I know now that I've got to listen to that still small voice and address the areas of my discomfort immediately and confidently. I'm just glad I finally listend to the voice inside and made what I know is the right decision now rather than five years from now.
I learned that no matter how much you want to, you can't change someone. And they can't change just to please you. They have to want to change because they know that it's the right thing to do. Until the other person decides to change for the right reasons, any "change" that takes place is surface deep and artificial. Which leads me to my next kernel of knowledge.
Words mean nothing. Words are empty. That is, unless action is put to the words. Mere words won't save you, and they won't change anything. "I'm sorry" and "I love you" are two things I will no longer accept unless they are acted out as verbs. Love especially is not a noun, a general description of a feeling, or at least it shoudln't be. It's a verb. An "action word" as my 3rd grade English teacher would say. So, until you're ready to act upon the words you want to say, save your breath and don't waste anyone else's time with actionless descriptions of what you think you feel.
Sometimes it really is just the wrong time, the wrong place. People aren't always on the same page or in the same place in life, and this can cause conflict and dissention. You can't try to make someone play catch-up and keep pace with where you are in your life. It just doesn't work that way. I need to be with someone who inspires me to keep pushing forward in all areas of life, emotional, mental, professional, personal, and spiritual. It's like this scenario: if you're standing on a chair, it's very hard to pull someone who is standing on the ground up to where you're standing on the chair. It's a lot easier for the person standing on the ground to pull you down. This doesn't make the other person inherently bad, it just means that they're in a different place.
I'm very good at moving too fast and making my significant other my top priority. I cannot, I repeat, cannot, do this anymore. I'm such a freakin' sucker for love, for fairy tales. I've got to maintain my own identify, my own self, apart from my significant other. Love, by my definition, is all about putting the other person's needs, wants, and desires above your own. To me it's about total selflessness. I think I tend to take this too far and I end up settling for 3rd or 4th place on the other person's priority list, while they are inequivacly number one on mine. I think I need to walk the beautiful balance and make myself happy, too.
Wow, this is a really long post. I could probably go on (and I might continue to add additional learnings as they come to me), but it's time to think about something else for now. Right now I'm just trying to make it through "The Next Day," and the next, and the next, and the next...
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