It matters to me
Ginny Wiedower
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
“When he's not drunk he's only stuck on himself, and then he has the nerve to say he needs a decent girl.” Jackson Johnson, from the song “Posters”
Thank you, Jack Johnson, for writing a lyric that represents one of the great mysteries of life. Or at least my life.
A few Saturday nights ago I went out with some of my friends. I ran into an old acquaintance from high school and college and we talked for a few minutes. He asked what I was doing now, and I told him that I just bought a house and that I just got a new job. He responded, “Yeah man, I've been trying to hang out with girls that really have their sh*t together lately. That's awesome.” Good for you acquaintance.
Later in the evening I saw this same person, who only hours earlier professed his need to hang out with girls who have their act together, being dragged out of the bar by security for fighting in his drunken stooper. Even better, he was fighting the person he came to the bar with. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this guy does not have his sh*t together.
I fully understand and appreciate the fact that no one is perfect (myself very much included). I'm sorry, really I am, but I just can't wrap my mind around how people who clearly don't have their acts together can think that what they need is someone who does.
One of the issues with this scenario is that the person who thinks that all they need is a “good girl” or “good guy” in their life to solve all of their problems and inspire them to fly right is waiting on a person to be their catalyst to change. Or even worse, they are waiting on a person to come along and wave a magic wand and do the changing for them.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news (Okay, not really), but it just doesn't work that way folks. First of all, we (yes, we, myself included) cannot simply wait on some outside force to come along to make us want to change. The “want to” has to be deep within us, or else any “change” that takes place is merely surface level and makes no real difference in how we live our lives. And not one person on earth can change another person. [Note: I said no one “on earth.” I am a strong believer in the power of spirituality in a person's life.] No matter how badly you might want to, if the other person in the relationship doesn't want, doesn't desire to make a change for the better, they won't. They might act like they are changing, but it is just that, an act. Sure, almost everyone wants to be a better person, but not everyone is willing to do what it takes to become a better person.
The other party in this scenario is not without fault either. I've known several people who I classify as “rescuers,” who want to save the other person and believe that they have what it takes to inspire the other person to change for the better. They like to feel that they are helping someone else along their path to change. Although I definitely think that it is helpful to have someone in your corner when you are trying to get your life in order, I know from experience that you cannot rely on that person to make the change for you. It's up to the individual alone to decide, first, that they want to change, and second, that they will do whatever necessary to make positive changes in their life. And, let's be real here, wouldn't you rather be with someone who inspires you to be the best version of yourself?
I like to reference an analogy I heard in my youth group meeting about a hundred years ago. If someone is standing on a chair, it is much easier to pull the person on the chair off than it is for the person standing on the chair to pull the other person up. The ideal situation, at least in my humble opinion, is to have two people standing on the chair, together.
I sincerely hope that you, the reader, don't think that I am advocating totally writing anyone off who doesn't have it all together. If that were the case, I wouldn't even hang out with myself because Lord only knows, I don't have everything all figured out. But I have figured out that I've spent entirely too much time trying to make other people something that they're not, and something that they're just not quite ready to be. It's time that I quit seeking someone to rescue and to change, and start seeking someone who inspires me to be the best me possible. A true give-and-take for both parties that results in both individuals being the best version of themselves.
So if you ever catch yourself thinking, “I'll change when 'The One' comes along,” or “I'm waiting on someone to motivate me to change,” reflect on this wise saying that was inside the fortune cookie I ate the other day: “To be loved, be loveable.” What are you waiting for? Be the best version of yourself, for yourself.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Ch-Ch-Ch Changes...
A lot of things have changed in my life recently. New house, new job, new relationship status. I've noticed, that in the midst of these changes, some of the people around me have changed as well.
It's natural to change. If we stayed the same our entire lives and didn't let situations and/or shape us, we'd be pretty boring, one-dimensional folks.
So if change is a natural, essential part of life, why is so hard to accept when someone you're close to changes? I guess I selfishly want the people in my life to stay the same, to be the old familiar friends that I've grown accustomed to. But I've come to learn that sometimes that's just not possible, and sometimes the changes that take place aren't going to be changes for the better.
This reminds me of a lyric from a Marc Broussard (spelling?) song, called "Gavin's Song." It says...
"I wish you places that sit so still,
Where people never ever change,
And never ever will."
I guess I was trying to live in that "place" where people don't change. I'm starting to think that place just doesn't exist.
It's natural to change. If we stayed the same our entire lives and didn't let situations and/or shape us, we'd be pretty boring, one-dimensional folks.
So if change is a natural, essential part of life, why is so hard to accept when someone you're close to changes? I guess I selfishly want the people in my life to stay the same, to be the old familiar friends that I've grown accustomed to. But I've come to learn that sometimes that's just not possible, and sometimes the changes that take place aren't going to be changes for the better.
This reminds me of a lyric from a Marc Broussard (spelling?) song, called "Gavin's Song." It says...
"I wish you places that sit so still,
Where people never ever change,
And never ever will."
I guess I was trying to live in that "place" where people don't change. I'm starting to think that place just doesn't exist.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Uterus For Sale
I'm consindering selling my uterus on the black market; I don't want it anymore.
Not really, but a hysterectomy is sounding mighty fine. I think I could deal with not being able to have my own kids (childbirth freaks me out), and besides, I've always wanted to adopt. But I hear that having a hysterectomy forces you into early menopause, so that wouldn't be very much fun. I've witnessed the side effects of going through "the change" and I'm not all that jazzed to experience them myself.
My uterus is an eternal antogonist of my life. I only know its around when its causing me unwanted effects, such as excruciating pain and extreme mood swings. Otherwise, it just kind of sits there, much like an appendix.
I understand that after the whole Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit situation, God said that He would make childbirth more difficult for women from that point forward. I get it. What I don't understand is why we have to suffer outside of the actual time of childbirth. And it confuses me that God chose to "punish" Eve for eating the forbidden fruit, when Adam ate of it as well. Eve was just exercising her powers of female persuasion. And must I remind you that it was a male serpant who convinced Eve to take eat of the fruit?
Now I'm rambling. I guess I have no choice but to accept the lot that has been given to me. But I don't have to like it.
Not really, but a hysterectomy is sounding mighty fine. I think I could deal with not being able to have my own kids (childbirth freaks me out), and besides, I've always wanted to adopt. But I hear that having a hysterectomy forces you into early menopause, so that wouldn't be very much fun. I've witnessed the side effects of going through "the change" and I'm not all that jazzed to experience them myself.
My uterus is an eternal antogonist of my life. I only know its around when its causing me unwanted effects, such as excruciating pain and extreme mood swings. Otherwise, it just kind of sits there, much like an appendix.
I understand that after the whole Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit situation, God said that He would make childbirth more difficult for women from that point forward. I get it. What I don't understand is why we have to suffer outside of the actual time of childbirth. And it confuses me that God chose to "punish" Eve for eating the forbidden fruit, when Adam ate of it as well. Eve was just exercising her powers of female persuasion. And must I remind you that it was a male serpant who convinced Eve to take eat of the fruit?
Now I'm rambling. I guess I have no choice but to accept the lot that has been given to me. But I don't have to like it.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Sad News...
This morning my Uncle Dicky died from complications related to his battle with brain cancer. He was diagnosed last year and was given 6 months to live upon his diagnosis, but he hung on until recently when the cancer rapidly spread and his health took a turn for the worse.
Uncle Dicky was my Mom's brother and was an opthomologist (eye surgeon) for many years. He will be missed by many within the community, and of course by our family.
Please keep my family in your prayers, and be sure to let everyone you care about know that you love them.
Uncle Dicky was my Mom's brother and was an opthomologist (eye surgeon) for many years. He will be missed by many within the community, and of course by our family.
Please keep my family in your prayers, and be sure to let everyone you care about know that you love them.
Monday, July 7, 2008
It's Been a While...
Wow, so much has happened since I last found a spare minute to update this wonderful blog. I just started a new job that I am beyond thrilled about, and I've truly hit the ground running. I love to be insanely busy, that's how I get my best work done, and I have no doubt that my days will be very busy and very productive.
I've met several new people (of the male persuasion mostly...) lately. I've gone on a few dates, some great, some not so great, but I've definitely had fun along the way. I've decided that sure, a few dates here and there won't hurt, but that I need to learn to just be by myself. I'm apparantly not very good at it, so I need to force myself to learn to be single. Should be interesting.
The house is as cute as ever, I love it. I mowed my front AND back yard for the first time this weekend which made me feel oddly empowered. I wanted to let out a loud grunt after I completed the yardwork, so I did. I think I frightened the neighbors...
That's just a quick update of what's been going on. I'll try to do a better job of posting new blogs than I have the last few weeks, I promise.
I've met several new people (of the male persuasion mostly...) lately. I've gone on a few dates, some great, some not so great, but I've definitely had fun along the way. I've decided that sure, a few dates here and there won't hurt, but that I need to learn to just be by myself. I'm apparantly not very good at it, so I need to force myself to learn to be single. Should be interesting.
The house is as cute as ever, I love it. I mowed my front AND back yard for the first time this weekend which made me feel oddly empowered. I wanted to let out a loud grunt after I completed the yardwork, so I did. I think I frightened the neighbors...
That's just a quick update of what's been going on. I'll try to do a better job of posting new blogs than I have the last few weeks, I promise.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
My Sister
My sister Julie called me last night to let me know that she was reading my blog. She said that the blog is seriously lacking in one area...mentions of her. I told her I'd write more about her, so here it goes.
Julie is three years younger than me, but in a lot of ways, she has the wisdom and knowledge of someone who is three years older. She is often able to help me see things, and people, for what they really are and she often calms me down when I get myself wound up into a tizzy of emotion.
Julie is probably the closest thing to the perfect female specimen that God created. She's one of those people that excels at everything she does. She is extremely intelligent (in a "book smart" kind of way...not so much on the common sense front) and has the body of a Victoria's Secret model. Yes, she's one of "those" people.
She also happens to be one of the kindest and most compassionate people I know. She has a very tender heart, a servan't heart, and she keeps an open mind about things without making hasty judgements.
Julie got married last year. I was asked by a few people if I was mad/jealous/upset/surprised that Julie, my younger sister, got married before I did. I guess people were confused that my sister and I didn't follow some pre-ordained life order that mandated that the oldest gets married first. But Julie and I aren't big fans of the conventional. I always felt that Julie would get married before me, and lo and behold, that's the way it worked out. And I couldn't be happier for her and her husband, even thought its weird that she has a different last name now.
Julie's husband, my brother-in-law, is in the National Guard and is stationed in Iraq. He has been there for a few months now and will come home next year. Julie has been such an amazing portrait of strength and loyalty; she has handled the circumstances with wisdom far beyond her years. I am so proud of my brother-in-law, and I'm equally proud of my sister's strength and commitment to him.
But in light of all of these wonderful things about my sister, one of my favorite things about her is that she calls me just to say "hi." I think she has a sixth sense and can somehow feel when I've got the blues, and magically, she knows just when to call just to say "hi," much like she did last night.
Julie is three years younger than me, but in a lot of ways, she has the wisdom and knowledge of someone who is three years older. She is often able to help me see things, and people, for what they really are and she often calms me down when I get myself wound up into a tizzy of emotion.
Julie is probably the closest thing to the perfect female specimen that God created. She's one of those people that excels at everything she does. She is extremely intelligent (in a "book smart" kind of way...not so much on the common sense front) and has the body of a Victoria's Secret model. Yes, she's one of "those" people.
She also happens to be one of the kindest and most compassionate people I know. She has a very tender heart, a servan't heart, and she keeps an open mind about things without making hasty judgements.
Julie got married last year. I was asked by a few people if I was mad/jealous/upset/surprised that Julie, my younger sister, got married before I did. I guess people were confused that my sister and I didn't follow some pre-ordained life order that mandated that the oldest gets married first. But Julie and I aren't big fans of the conventional. I always felt that Julie would get married before me, and lo and behold, that's the way it worked out. And I couldn't be happier for her and her husband, even thought its weird that she has a different last name now.
Julie's husband, my brother-in-law, is in the National Guard and is stationed in Iraq. He has been there for a few months now and will come home next year. Julie has been such an amazing portrait of strength and loyalty; she has handled the circumstances with wisdom far beyond her years. I am so proud of my brother-in-law, and I'm equally proud of my sister's strength and commitment to him.
But in light of all of these wonderful things about my sister, one of my favorite things about her is that she calls me just to say "hi." I think she has a sixth sense and can somehow feel when I've got the blues, and magically, she knows just when to call just to say "hi," much like she did last night.
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