So it's now day two on the post-breakup timeline, and I think I'm losing my mind.
Last night I cried and cried and cried, and then couldn't sleep at all. This morning I woke up feeling as fresh as a daisy and filled with an encouraging sense of hope for things to come. And now...back to wanting to cry.
I don't know what the deal is, but this roller coaster of emotions is too much. I wish I could settle on one feeling and feel that for a while, but I guess that's just not in the cards. Damn these hormones.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The Next Day
It's the day after the breakup, and I'm sad.
The fact that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that ending the relationship was the right thing to do doesn't make it hurt any less. In some ways, I wish it would've ended with lots of cussing and fighting so that I could be mad instead of sad, but alas, that's not the case. In some ways I am actually pretty pissed, but in most ways I'm just hurt.
When major life events like this take place, I (bedgrudingly) try to figure out what I need to learn from the situation as to not repeat mistakes and to continually learn from the things that happen in my life. And so now I begin.
I think the most pertinent learning I can take away from all this is that I need to follow my heart 100% of the time, and as quickly as possible. I'm guilty of pushing not-so-good signs and issues back in order to maintain the status quo, and to try to be happy in the now. That's not such a good idea. I would think "Is this really that bad? Am I overreacting? Do I really deserve better?," to the point that I would make myself believe that, yes, it really wasn't that bad, I was overreacting, and that, sadly, I didn't deserve better. I know now that I've got to listen to that still small voice and address the areas of my discomfort immediately and confidently. I'm just glad I finally listend to the voice inside and made what I know is the right decision now rather than five years from now.
I learned that no matter how much you want to, you can't change someone. And they can't change just to please you. They have to want to change because they know that it's the right thing to do. Until the other person decides to change for the right reasons, any "change" that takes place is surface deep and artificial. Which leads me to my next kernel of knowledge.
Words mean nothing. Words are empty. That is, unless action is put to the words. Mere words won't save you, and they won't change anything. "I'm sorry" and "I love you" are two things I will no longer accept unless they are acted out as verbs. Love especially is not a noun, a general description of a feeling, or at least it shoudln't be. It's a verb. An "action word" as my 3rd grade English teacher would say. So, until you're ready to act upon the words you want to say, save your breath and don't waste anyone else's time with actionless descriptions of what you think you feel.
Sometimes it really is just the wrong time, the wrong place. People aren't always on the same page or in the same place in life, and this can cause conflict and dissention. You can't try to make someone play catch-up and keep pace with where you are in your life. It just doesn't work that way. I need to be with someone who inspires me to keep pushing forward in all areas of life, emotional, mental, professional, personal, and spiritual. It's like this scenario: if you're standing on a chair, it's very hard to pull someone who is standing on the ground up to where you're standing on the chair. It's a lot easier for the person standing on the ground to pull you down. This doesn't make the other person inherently bad, it just means that they're in a different place.
I'm very good at moving too fast and making my significant other my top priority. I cannot, I repeat, cannot, do this anymore. I'm such a freakin' sucker for love, for fairy tales. I've got to maintain my own identify, my own self, apart from my significant other. Love, by my definition, is all about putting the other person's needs, wants, and desires above your own. To me it's about total selflessness. I think I tend to take this too far and I end up settling for 3rd or 4th place on the other person's priority list, while they are inequivacly number one on mine. I think I need to walk the beautiful balance and make myself happy, too.
Wow, this is a really long post. I could probably go on (and I might continue to add additional learnings as they come to me), but it's time to think about something else for now. Right now I'm just trying to make it through "The Next Day," and the next, and the next, and the next...
The fact that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that ending the relationship was the right thing to do doesn't make it hurt any less. In some ways, I wish it would've ended with lots of cussing and fighting so that I could be mad instead of sad, but alas, that's not the case. In some ways I am actually pretty pissed, but in most ways I'm just hurt.
When major life events like this take place, I (bedgrudingly) try to figure out what I need to learn from the situation as to not repeat mistakes and to continually learn from the things that happen in my life. And so now I begin.
I think the most pertinent learning I can take away from all this is that I need to follow my heart 100% of the time, and as quickly as possible. I'm guilty of pushing not-so-good signs and issues back in order to maintain the status quo, and to try to be happy in the now. That's not such a good idea. I would think "Is this really that bad? Am I overreacting? Do I really deserve better?," to the point that I would make myself believe that, yes, it really wasn't that bad, I was overreacting, and that, sadly, I didn't deserve better. I know now that I've got to listen to that still small voice and address the areas of my discomfort immediately and confidently. I'm just glad I finally listend to the voice inside and made what I know is the right decision now rather than five years from now.
I learned that no matter how much you want to, you can't change someone. And they can't change just to please you. They have to want to change because they know that it's the right thing to do. Until the other person decides to change for the right reasons, any "change" that takes place is surface deep and artificial. Which leads me to my next kernel of knowledge.
Words mean nothing. Words are empty. That is, unless action is put to the words. Mere words won't save you, and they won't change anything. "I'm sorry" and "I love you" are two things I will no longer accept unless they are acted out as verbs. Love especially is not a noun, a general description of a feeling, or at least it shoudln't be. It's a verb. An "action word" as my 3rd grade English teacher would say. So, until you're ready to act upon the words you want to say, save your breath and don't waste anyone else's time with actionless descriptions of what you think you feel.
Sometimes it really is just the wrong time, the wrong place. People aren't always on the same page or in the same place in life, and this can cause conflict and dissention. You can't try to make someone play catch-up and keep pace with where you are in your life. It just doesn't work that way. I need to be with someone who inspires me to keep pushing forward in all areas of life, emotional, mental, professional, personal, and spiritual. It's like this scenario: if you're standing on a chair, it's very hard to pull someone who is standing on the ground up to where you're standing on the chair. It's a lot easier for the person standing on the ground to pull you down. This doesn't make the other person inherently bad, it just means that they're in a different place.
I'm very good at moving too fast and making my significant other my top priority. I cannot, I repeat, cannot, do this anymore. I'm such a freakin' sucker for love, for fairy tales. I've got to maintain my own identify, my own self, apart from my significant other. Love, by my definition, is all about putting the other person's needs, wants, and desires above your own. To me it's about total selflessness. I think I tend to take this too far and I end up settling for 3rd or 4th place on the other person's priority list, while they are inequivacly number one on mine. I think I need to walk the beautiful balance and make myself happy, too.
Wow, this is a really long post. I could probably go on (and I might continue to add additional learnings as they come to me), but it's time to think about something else for now. Right now I'm just trying to make it through "The Next Day," and the next, and the next, and the next...
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Can Ambition Ever Be a Bad Thing?
I was born a highly ambitious person. It is inherent within me.
Most people see being very ambitious as a positive and welcomed attribute, and for the most part, I fall within that category of people. But the times that I'm at work, home, in my car, at church, in the bathroom, etc. that I nearly drive myself crazy thinking about what I should be doing or what my next step towards success should be, I have to ask the question: Can ambition ever be a bad thing?
Having the ambition to achieve your own personal definition of success is great, but I think sometimes I let my drive to do and be "more" (More what? I'm not quite sure.) overtake my thoughts and I become entrenched in figuring out what it is that I should be doing that I'm not, that one holy step that will lead me to ultimate success. This can be a very tiring, and dare I say it, at some times miserable existence.
Don't get me wrong, I think ambition is a necessary and important attribute to possess, but I think like all good things, it should be taken in moderation. Constantly thinking about what our next step should be can lead us to live so far in the future that we don't recognize what he have at this time, in this moment, in the here and now.
So, my conclusion is this: Ambition is a vital and inherent ingredient in random mix of attributes, but I need to learn to apply ambition (much like a self-tanner) in moderation and with care as to not miss the blessings that already exist in my life. I think I need equal parts contentment and ambition to make my life delicious.
Most people see being very ambitious as a positive and welcomed attribute, and for the most part, I fall within that category of people. But the times that I'm at work, home, in my car, at church, in the bathroom, etc. that I nearly drive myself crazy thinking about what I should be doing or what my next step towards success should be, I have to ask the question: Can ambition ever be a bad thing?
Having the ambition to achieve your own personal definition of success is great, but I think sometimes I let my drive to do and be "more" (More what? I'm not quite sure.) overtake my thoughts and I become entrenched in figuring out what it is that I should be doing that I'm not, that one holy step that will lead me to ultimate success. This can be a very tiring, and dare I say it, at some times miserable existence.
Don't get me wrong, I think ambition is a necessary and important attribute to possess, but I think like all good things, it should be taken in moderation. Constantly thinking about what our next step should be can lead us to live so far in the future that we don't recognize what he have at this time, in this moment, in the here and now.
So, my conclusion is this: Ambition is a vital and inherent ingredient in random mix of attributes, but I need to learn to apply ambition (much like a self-tanner) in moderation and with care as to not miss the blessings that already exist in my life. I think I need equal parts contentment and ambition to make my life delicious.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Something I Wrote...
...about the whole house-buying experience. Enjoy.
I Bought a House, and So Can You
A couple of months ago I casually mentioned to my parents that I thought it might be cool if I bought a house. I thought that I should “strike while the iron is not-so-hot,” meaning the housing market as a whole is down, so that I might be able to snag a deal. To my surprise, Mom and Dad agreed.
So the Monday after my casual conversation with the parentals, I went on over to the bank to try to see what I could qualify for, or if I even qualified for a home loan at all. Lo and behold, I qualified for a home loan at an amount that I knew would allow me to get a decent starter home. And thus the search began.
Being a newbie to the whole house buying situation, I thought that I would have to pay a real estate agent to help me find my dream home, so in an effort to simulate frugality, I opted to go it alone. Big mistake.
I ended up driving all over God’s green earth, including several locations that made me call my parents and cry because I was so scared, and other locations that were so deep into the country I swore I heard the “Deliverance” theme song. So I inquired, and found that the seller of the house pays the real estate agent, not the buyer, so I got a recommendation from a family member and began working with a wonderful agent.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all daisies and rainbows from there. It seemed that every time I would schedule to see a house, it would either be taken off the market that same day, or an offer had already been accepted on the house. (Sidebar: Why do they keep the sign up in the yard and the listing up online if an offer has already been accepted? I think the sole purpose is just to annoy me.) I became so frustrated with the whole process that I wanted to throw in the towel and keep throwing my money away on rent just to avoid the inevitable letdown.
Until I found it, “The One.” I had seen this particular house online for quite a while, but never got around to stopping by. I finally scheduled a viewing with my agent, and as soon as I pulled up, I knew I’d found my new home. The house was built in 1948 (I love old homes), had a picket fence around the entire property, and had an awesome backyard perfect for barbecues. That night I made an offer on the house.
The next day, while I was visiting my parents in Conway, I got the call. My offer had been accepted! I didn’t really know how to feel…excited, scared, nervous, etc. Little did I know the confusion had only just begun.
From the point that my offer was accepted until the point that the keys to the house were in my hand, I experienced a complete roller coaster of emotions and experiences. It seemed as if something new came up everyday, something that could affect my purchase of the house. But all of the blood, sweat, and tears (many, many tears) were well worth it when I signed off on the final document and the keys were in my hand.
So, the moral of the story? If you want to buy a house, you can. You might have to make sacrifices in other areas of your life (I’m definitely going to have to cut down on my Starbucks runs and my trips to Barnes and Noble), but if owning a home is something that you value, it is well within your reach. If I (a single young female professional with a decent income) can do it, so can you.
I Bought a House, and So Can You
A couple of months ago I casually mentioned to my parents that I thought it might be cool if I bought a house. I thought that I should “strike while the iron is not-so-hot,” meaning the housing market as a whole is down, so that I might be able to snag a deal. To my surprise, Mom and Dad agreed.
So the Monday after my casual conversation with the parentals, I went on over to the bank to try to see what I could qualify for, or if I even qualified for a home loan at all. Lo and behold, I qualified for a home loan at an amount that I knew would allow me to get a decent starter home. And thus the search began.
Being a newbie to the whole house buying situation, I thought that I would have to pay a real estate agent to help me find my dream home, so in an effort to simulate frugality, I opted to go it alone. Big mistake.
I ended up driving all over God’s green earth, including several locations that made me call my parents and cry because I was so scared, and other locations that were so deep into the country I swore I heard the “Deliverance” theme song. So I inquired, and found that the seller of the house pays the real estate agent, not the buyer, so I got a recommendation from a family member and began working with a wonderful agent.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all daisies and rainbows from there. It seemed that every time I would schedule to see a house, it would either be taken off the market that same day, or an offer had already been accepted on the house. (Sidebar: Why do they keep the sign up in the yard and the listing up online if an offer has already been accepted? I think the sole purpose is just to annoy me.) I became so frustrated with the whole process that I wanted to throw in the towel and keep throwing my money away on rent just to avoid the inevitable letdown.
Until I found it, “The One.” I had seen this particular house online for quite a while, but never got around to stopping by. I finally scheduled a viewing with my agent, and as soon as I pulled up, I knew I’d found my new home. The house was built in 1948 (I love old homes), had a picket fence around the entire property, and had an awesome backyard perfect for barbecues. That night I made an offer on the house.
The next day, while I was visiting my parents in Conway, I got the call. My offer had been accepted! I didn’t really know how to feel…excited, scared, nervous, etc. Little did I know the confusion had only just begun.
From the point that my offer was accepted until the point that the keys to the house were in my hand, I experienced a complete roller coaster of emotions and experiences. It seemed as if something new came up everyday, something that could affect my purchase of the house. But all of the blood, sweat, and tears (many, many tears) were well worth it when I signed off on the final document and the keys were in my hand.
So, the moral of the story? If you want to buy a house, you can. You might have to make sacrifices in other areas of your life (I’m definitely going to have to cut down on my Starbucks runs and my trips to Barnes and Noble), but if owning a home is something that you value, it is well within your reach. If I (a single young female professional with a decent income) can do it, so can you.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Oh The Joys of Buying a House...
The blisters on the hands from painting, the sore feet from standing on a step-ladder barefoot...oh the joys of buying a house. These are what I call the non-monetary costs of purchasing a home, especially an old home like mine.
We've finished painting the dining room (a burnt orange), my bedroom (a very light, organic green), and the living room (a color called Katydid, a warm green color), so we're over halfway done. Thank goodness, I don't think my body could handle too much more of this.
We've finished painting the dining room (a burnt orange), my bedroom (a very light, organic green), and the living room (a color called Katydid, a warm green color), so we're over halfway done. Thank goodness, I don't think my body could handle too much more of this.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Soul Friends
So I volunteered to help secure speakers for this year's PRSA Southwest District Conference. I emailed "my" speakers back and forth for months, and I met both of them in person for the first time yesterday at a reception. And I met a "soul friend."
You know those times when you meet someone and the more and more you talk to them, you begin to realize that you and this person have a true, authentic soul connection. Not just an "oh yeah, he's sweet" casual acquaintance type of thing, but a thing when all things come together and you realize that this person that you just met will be a friend. I like to call these people "soul friends."
It is not an easy thing to be my friend...no, not because I'm difficult or hard to get along with (although we all have our days, don't we), but because I am extremely selective about who I call my friend. I take that term very seriously, and I don't bestow it upon just anyone. I say all this to say that for me, this "soul friend" phenomenon that I speak of is truly remarkable, and as the very definition of the word phenomenon suggests, very rare.
Now a "soul friend" should not be confused with a "soulmate." I'm one of those romantic saps that actually buys into the whole soulmate thing, so I feel the need to discern between the two terms. A soulmate, by my completely unscientific definition, is that ONE person that your soul and your heart and your mind fits. I'm not saying that this soulmate will "complete" you, but rather complement you and bring out your best self. I see a true soulmate as the love of your life, and the one person that you were destined to be with for all time. I know, you just threw up in your mouth a little bit, but I don't care. I'm allowed to be a hopeless romantic.
A "soul friend" on the other hand is a person with whom you share "soul qualities." These can be a sharing of core values, a sharing of emotional intelligence. Evidences of a soul friend include, but are not limited to: extreme ease of conversation, ability to reach inside the other person and bring out a smile from the inside, comfort and trust. These very rare and priceless gifts should be treated as just that, a gift from God.
So, to my newest "soul friend," I wish nothing more than the absolute best this world has for you. I trust that we will remain friends, and I trust that you will accomplish remarkable things. Although I think you might need to trim the beard before this takes place...I'm just sayin'.
You know those times when you meet someone and the more and more you talk to them, you begin to realize that you and this person have a true, authentic soul connection. Not just an "oh yeah, he's sweet" casual acquaintance type of thing, but a thing when all things come together and you realize that this person that you just met will be a friend. I like to call these people "soul friends."
It is not an easy thing to be my friend...no, not because I'm difficult or hard to get along with (although we all have our days, don't we), but because I am extremely selective about who I call my friend. I take that term very seriously, and I don't bestow it upon just anyone. I say all this to say that for me, this "soul friend" phenomenon that I speak of is truly remarkable, and as the very definition of the word phenomenon suggests, very rare.
Now a "soul friend" should not be confused with a "soulmate." I'm one of those romantic saps that actually buys into the whole soulmate thing, so I feel the need to discern between the two terms. A soulmate, by my completely unscientific definition, is that ONE person that your soul and your heart and your mind fits. I'm not saying that this soulmate will "complete" you, but rather complement you and bring out your best self. I see a true soulmate as the love of your life, and the one person that you were destined to be with for all time. I know, you just threw up in your mouth a little bit, but I don't care. I'm allowed to be a hopeless romantic.
A "soul friend" on the other hand is a person with whom you share "soul qualities." These can be a sharing of core values, a sharing of emotional intelligence. Evidences of a soul friend include, but are not limited to: extreme ease of conversation, ability to reach inside the other person and bring out a smile from the inside, comfort and trust. These very rare and priceless gifts should be treated as just that, a gift from God.
So, to my newest "soul friend," I wish nothing more than the absolute best this world has for you. I trust that we will remain friends, and I trust that you will accomplish remarkable things. Although I think you might need to trim the beard before this takes place...I'm just sayin'.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Update...
Please forgive me for taking such a long absence in between posts; I forgot my password and was locked out until, Eureka!, today I remembered the password and was able to access my account once again.
A lot has been going on in my crazy life, most notably, I'm buying a house! The whole house buying process has been a complete roller coaster, and has been borderline comical and vomit inducing all at the same time. Example: I found two houses that I really liked and I was scheduled to view both houses on the same day. Later that day I found out that one of the houses was already in the purchase process (Why is it still up on the real estate website then? Makes no sense to me.) and the other was being taken off of the market so that a friend of the seller could rent it.
I'd looked online at the house that I'm now buying for a while, but for some reason never got around to going in to look at it. Once I did, it was over...I knew that this was "The One."
Since my offer was accepted, the roller coaster ride of buying a home has continued, but hasn't been too terrible. Now I am in the process of awaiting for the seller to hire another electrician (the first that she hired wasn't able to get to the house for another 2 weeks) to update the electrical system. The seller really has been great about accepting my concessions and requests, which has been very nice and surprising.
So, that's what's going on in my life right now. I'm actually closing on the house on my birthday, which will be a great birthday present to myself. Wish me luck, and pray that I don't fall off of the "roller coaster!"
A lot has been going on in my crazy life, most notably, I'm buying a house! The whole house buying process has been a complete roller coaster, and has been borderline comical and vomit inducing all at the same time. Example: I found two houses that I really liked and I was scheduled to view both houses on the same day. Later that day I found out that one of the houses was already in the purchase process (Why is it still up on the real estate website then? Makes no sense to me.) and the other was being taken off of the market so that a friend of the seller could rent it.
I'd looked online at the house that I'm now buying for a while, but for some reason never got around to going in to look at it. Once I did, it was over...I knew that this was "The One."
Since my offer was accepted, the roller coaster ride of buying a home has continued, but hasn't been too terrible. Now I am in the process of awaiting for the seller to hire another electrician (the first that she hired wasn't able to get to the house for another 2 weeks) to update the electrical system. The seller really has been great about accepting my concessions and requests, which has been very nice and surprising.
So, that's what's going on in my life right now. I'm actually closing on the house on my birthday, which will be a great birthday present to myself. Wish me luck, and pray that I don't fall off of the "roller coaster!"
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